Trying To Be A Friend In A Facebook World

Friendship: the emotions or conduct of friends. The state of being friends. A relationship between friends. A state of mutual support.

Like so many things in life, friendships will constantly change. Emotions will change. Feelings will change. Some friendships are short-lived, while others will last a lifetime. Some friendships may be casual in nature, while others are intense and full of emotion. Some friendships will start out as pure friendship and never change, while others will start that way, but then turn into "friends with benefits" and perhaps even more. Some friendships will have constant drama, while others are full of peace and tranquility. But no matter what, friendships are important in one's life!

In today's Facebook world of "friends" the true meaning of a friend seems questionable. While many people will have "friended" individuals on Facebook that might be professional, work, church, etc. related - for all the others, are they really your friend? If you saw them walking on the street would you actually stop and visit with them and perhaps grab a cup of coffee with them? Would you make the time to be a "true" friend to them if they were in need of a friend? Are your friends on Facebook people that you would feel comfortable talking to on the telephone, having a meal with or hanging out? If not, then why are they your "friend?"

Being a "true" friend takes time; it takes energy; it takes effort. But it also takes understanding.

Sometimes we are not always at our best or act our best, but a TRUE friend understands AND accepts that about us. They do not judge us. They continue to love and support us no matter what. Because they know that at some point the tables may be turned and they will need our understanding, acceptance, love and support in return.

Over the years, maintaining friendships with people have changed dramatically from when I was a kid - back in the 70's and early 80's. We moved A LOT when I was growing up, so maintaining friendships was very challenging. With all of the moves, it would have been easy to have lots of "temporary" friends, but no real attachments to anyone. Fortunately, I wanted more. I wanted REAL friends. So in order to do that, a true effort was needed on my part. Back in the "olden days", there was no computer/internet communication to use in order to keep in touch. And the use of the phone to call friends long-distance was not allowed because it was too expensive. So I became the world's BEST Pen Pal! Currently, I am STILL friends with most of the people I was Pen Pals with through junior high and high school and fortunately I have also had the pleasure of spending time with them in person during my adult years.

Friendships seem to be becoming more and more disposable, as if once the "benefit" of being one's friend wears off, people will dump the friend and get a new friend. They will move onto someone that has "cooler" benefits for being a friend with. I am not that kind of friend. If I am going to take the time to get to know a person and for them to know me, then I will want to remain their friend. Of course, that hasn't always worked out that way for me. I have been burned MANY times over the years by individuals I believed were my friend. I have trusted them with personal secrets and private emotions, which were then used against me or told to others. Anymore, the number of people that I would consider to be my "best" friends, that I could tell anything and everything to, I can count on one hand (maybe a couple of fingers on the second hand) - but not much more. That's not to say that I don't have friends. I have lots of friends, and even more acquaintances. But when it comes to those I would trust with my life and they can trust me in return...not so many. And I AM OK with that! Like I mentioned earlier, it can take A LOT of effort and time to be the best friend you can be to someone else. And since my time is VERY valuable, I am willing to share it with those that appreciate it. Because their friendship and what they mean to me as a person, means that much to me!

Last fall on my 44th birthday, I spent the morning with one of my best friends on Skype - who I have known since we were 14 years old. We pulled out our Senior Year scrapbooks and compared letters written to each of us from boys we dated (or liked) in high school, showed each other pictures we had from the high school dances we attended that year, laughed about the other pictures of people we both knew, read out loud to each other the messages written in our books from friends and teachers, and showed each other all of the memorabilia we had collected during our senior year from school events, dances, boys, and school trips out of town. I had not laughed so much in so long! My face HURT when we were done with our Skyping. That was the BEST birthday present I could have received from her - time and memories shared with her!

While looking through my Senior Year Scrapbook, I had found a poem I wrote and put in my book. I had forgotten all about it until I was looking at my book on my birthday. The poem I wrote is called "True Friends" and I was only 16 years old when I wrote it. In re-reading it today, I am reminded that my feelings towards friends and friendships have never changed. While I enjoy and appreciate all that Facebook offers and has provided for me in regards to reconnecting with friends from my past, helping create new friendships, and even maintaining my more current friendships...I feel the benefit of Facebook, when it comes to friendships, will only be realized by what people do with these "friend" connections when they are outside of Facebook - in the real world and not behind a computer screen.

"TRUE FRIENDS"

by Lisa A. Nodar (July 2, 1984)

I will be there for you, at all those times when in need.

To help give you that little push, and to show you the way, and to lead.

My hand is your hand, to help guide you to your destiny.

And when no one else is there for you, I promise you will find me.

My ear is yours, when no one else will listen to the pain you have inside.

And when you feel all alone and scared, there I will stand by your side.

The times when you feel you can't go on, and giving up seems to be the only way.

You can look to me for encouragement and advice, and I will show you the sun's rays.

Life is not that bad, my friend, even though I must agree.

That life isn't always the greatest, and sometimes neither are we.

But through the good times, and the bad.

The times we yell, and the times we laugh.

There is something special, the two of us have.

That unique kind of friendship, that forever shall it last!