Saturday afternoon, I decided to start another blog. My decision to do this was inspired by a very close friend after we had spent HOURS that day, joking and talking about the happenings in our lives for the last couple of years. One area we spent a lot of time talking about was our children - and all of the time and money we have spent on them, in the area of Performing Arts. We also reminisced about our trip two years ago to Orlando, Florida with "The ARTS Showcase" event. At that time our friendship was just starting out, and it felt "crazy" trying to learn all we could "to do things right" when it came to helping our children prepare for auditions and performances. We were in essence learning how to become our children's talent managers. And there was a lot of humor in all of that!
While laughing about our memories, we started talking out loud about the idea of creating a blog to put all of our humorous (and not so humorous) performing arts experiences. The title of the blog "A Crazy Stage Mom" was intended to be an attempt at reminding myself, NOT to be a Crazy Stage Mom. The title makes me giggle, because there are many funny moments that have seemed crazy over the years regarding auditions and performances with my children. Since I am sure there will be many more to come, I thought it would be a good idea to not clog up this blog with posts that were specific to performing arts and put those somewhere else.
People who really understand me and are truly my friends will know that when I am telling a story, I am usually smiling most of the time, if I am not laughing. When I started blogging, I felt like I was telling a story, so I would write it as if I was speaking it. And when speaking it, chances are I am smiling and/or laughing - so that will come out in my post - with possibly many "LOL's", "HAHAHA's" and smiling faces.
I acknowledge that my style of blogging may not be for everyone, and what I write about may not interest everyone. But that is OK. Like the THOUSANDS of other blogs out there in the cyberspace world, which come in all styles and formats, mine has its own style and format, too. And what one reader might enjoy, another may not. This is the beauty of blogging. If a person has the desire and interest to write and share their thoughts and opinions, they can do that through having a blog.
On Saturday night, however, a really rude comment was posted on my new blog (which I have since deleted) from someone who read my new post and didn't have the decency to use their REAL name; instead used the name A GREAT MOM. Well, her comment was not so nice! Instead, she sounded like "A CRUEL MOM!" She informed me that "my blog was annoying. and so are you. you use the term "LOL!" way too much and should really leave the blogging to REAL bloggers. Wannabe bloggers really get on my nerves."
WOW!!!!! Since when did blogging have rules regarding how much is too much usage of a term in a blog post? And what the hell is a REAL blogger? I have never claimed to be a professional blogger. I am a PERSONAL blogger, sharing personal experiences, for those that choose to read it and want a peek inside my mind and life. If you're NOT interested in what I have to say, then don't read it! And keep your comments to yourself!
According to the Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, the word "BLOG" means:
a website that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer.
I believe that is EXACTLY what my blog is and that is what I am using it for! What "A Great Mom" said was rude and mean...and those kinds of people GET ON MY NERVES! If the way I blog is not her style, then she should not read my blog, nor should she make any comments. Trying to publicly humiliate me with her mean-spirited words, definitely does NOT make her "A Great Mom." It makes her far from it! And if she is "possibly" a friend of mine, please don't be my friend anymore. I don't need this kind of friend or friendship in my life or as a friend on Facebook. A real friend would have sent me a private message or email "suggesting" helpful tips for my blog - since I am still relatively new at blogging - not tried to belittle and embarrass me on my blog. Perhaps I did use a few too many "LOL's" in my latest post, but I was laughing most of the time while I was writing the post. (I have gone back and edited it - so my "laughing" is not so much.) I am much more open to suggestions and constructive comments - NOT HURTFUL CRITICISM!
Blogging is for everyone and anyone! If I was a "professional" blogger, then perhaps there might be "rules" and "guidelines" regarding how long my posts should be, what words/terms should not be used, if a picture or hyperkink is required with my posts, etc., etc. But since my blogs are PERSONAL, there are NO rules or guidelines. I am not getting paid for blogging, nor am I receiving kickbacks for endorsing a product or website. I get no perks for having a blog! I write from my heart, and what I have to say is "REAL" - and since the definition for a blogger is "someone who blogs on a blog" - and my blogs seem to meet the definition mentioned above regarding what a blog is, then I am in fact a REAL BLOGGER!
For those that would like a peek into my "crazy" world with children in performing arts, I have included a link to my new blog. Enjoy! :-)
"A Crazy Stage Mom" blog
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
The Music of My Life
Today's brain purge is about music! I was inspired to write about this after I heard today for the first time Katy Perry's new song called "Wide Awake." It reminded me of the theme for my blog "A MidLife Awakening."
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
What a perfect song, considering how I have been feeling recently. Lately, I have come to realize that I listen to a WHOLE LOT of music - a whole lot of the time. But I don't just listen to the music, I LISTEN to the instruments being played and the lyrics! And then if I really like the beat or melody of the song, or I am fascinated by the lyrics, I will seek out a video of the song on You Tube to visually see the artist's interpretation of the song.
When I am in my van I either have my XM radio playing music from a variety of stations which includes Pop, Country, Hip Hop/R&B, and Rock Classics, or my CD player currently has the soundtrack from "Wicked", Lady Antebellum's album "Own The Night", and a couple of CD's I made of my favorite Country Songs and favorite Contemporary Christian Songs. And when I am not in my van, I am usually wearing my earbuds attached to my iPod as I am working out or doing my "domestic duties" around the house. Many nights I even fall asleep listening to my iPod. Even as I am writing this blog post right now, I am wearing my earbuds which are plugged into my computer and I am listening to my playlist called "Dancing/Workout Tunes" from my iTunes Library. Music seems to surround me almost 24/7.
There are some days when I am feeling a certain way, and I will be in the mood for a specific genre of music or a particular song or artist. Sometimes those moments will also play out for me through Facebook, and I will post a video of the song that is having significant meaning to me that day. Sometimes, I will even post a link to a video on a friend's Facebook wall, after a conversation or experience we have shared together, as a way to add more meaning to what we have shared.
Music has also played a huge part in my blogging. In looking back at some of the blog posts I have written so far, several of them have included either the lyrics to a song, a video of a song or both. Perhaps the reason I am so drawn to music is because of its ability to tell a story or express emotions or feelings in a way that feels incredible and real. It is a true gift when a person can take how they feel, put it into words, and help create a song. I wish I had this gift!
My Daughter has this gift. She has written the lyrics for several songs and then collaborates with her vocal coach who is also a musician and together they are able to create the music to allow her words to come to life. I am in awe of the two of them. Such God-inspired creativity and giftedness! Demo CD's of them performing together have been created and eventually, we will present their songs to a record label. But for the time being, they will keep writing lyrics and music together.
My earliest memories of LOVING music date back to the mid-70's. My first music cassettes were for my 8th birthday in 1975. My cousin Gladys took me shopping and let me pick out any music I wanted for my gift. The winners were: Barry Manilow's album "Live" and The Sylvers' album "Showcase". Clearly my love for VERY different genres of music was already starting back then! Barry Manilow is easy listening/pop music and The Sylvers are R&B/Soul/Disco music.
I remember being so obsessed with The Sylvers song "Boogie Fever", I choreographed a dance to this song and performed it as entertainment for the family and relatives at our Thanksgiving dinner that same year. (I was clearly ahead of my time, trying to be a Solid Gold Dancer at the young age of 8. Remember that show in the 80"s? LOL!!!) Maybe some of those genetic pieces of me will be passed on to my children. They should be so lucky! LOL!!!
As an adult, not much has changed. I will still get obsessed with a song from time to time. And I will even choreograph a dance/workout if the song is REALLY good and pumps me up. Funny thing is that when I have been doing this, I thought I was doing it in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom. However, Daughter informed me last week, that she has seen my dances/workouts - several times - when she has come to talk to me, and instead of making herself known, she has quietly been watching me. Well, at least I was dressed. LOL!!!
Music has and will continue to influence and inspire my life. It is the food that feeds my soul. Music is tied to memories and experiences. I can't even imagine my life without music. I am truly grateful for all of the people that have been blessed with the talent of creating music! May your words and melodies continue to live on forever!!! :-)
Video:
Katy Perry "Wide Awake"
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
What a perfect song, considering how I have been feeling recently. Lately, I have come to realize that I listen to a WHOLE LOT of music - a whole lot of the time. But I don't just listen to the music, I LISTEN to the instruments being played and the lyrics! And then if I really like the beat or melody of the song, or I am fascinated by the lyrics, I will seek out a video of the song on You Tube to visually see the artist's interpretation of the song.
When I am in my van I either have my XM radio playing music from a variety of stations which includes Pop, Country, Hip Hop/R&B, and Rock Classics, or my CD player currently has the soundtrack from "Wicked", Lady Antebellum's album "Own The Night", and a couple of CD's I made of my favorite Country Songs and favorite Contemporary Christian Songs. And when I am not in my van, I am usually wearing my earbuds attached to my iPod as I am working out or doing my "domestic duties" around the house. Many nights I even fall asleep listening to my iPod. Even as I am writing this blog post right now, I am wearing my earbuds which are plugged into my computer and I am listening to my playlist called "Dancing/Workout Tunes" from my iTunes Library. Music seems to surround me almost 24/7.
There are some days when I am feeling a certain way, and I will be in the mood for a specific genre of music or a particular song or artist. Sometimes those moments will also play out for me through Facebook, and I will post a video of the song that is having significant meaning to me that day. Sometimes, I will even post a link to a video on a friend's Facebook wall, after a conversation or experience we have shared together, as a way to add more meaning to what we have shared.
Music has also played a huge part in my blogging. In looking back at some of the blog posts I have written so far, several of them have included either the lyrics to a song, a video of a song or both. Perhaps the reason I am so drawn to music is because of its ability to tell a story or express emotions or feelings in a way that feels incredible and real. It is a true gift when a person can take how they feel, put it into words, and help create a song. I wish I had this gift!
My Daughter has this gift. She has written the lyrics for several songs and then collaborates with her vocal coach who is also a musician and together they are able to create the music to allow her words to come to life. I am in awe of the two of them. Such God-inspired creativity and giftedness! Demo CD's of them performing together have been created and eventually, we will present their songs to a record label. But for the time being, they will keep writing lyrics and music together.
My earliest memories of LOVING music date back to the mid-70's. My first music cassettes were for my 8th birthday in 1975. My cousin Gladys took me shopping and let me pick out any music I wanted for my gift. The winners were: Barry Manilow's album "Live" and The Sylvers' album "Showcase". Clearly my love for VERY different genres of music was already starting back then! Barry Manilow is easy listening/pop music and The Sylvers are R&B/Soul/Disco music.
I remember being so obsessed with The Sylvers song "Boogie Fever", I choreographed a dance to this song and performed it as entertainment for the family and relatives at our Thanksgiving dinner that same year. (I was clearly ahead of my time, trying to be a Solid Gold Dancer at the young age of 8. Remember that show in the 80"s? LOL!!!) Maybe some of those genetic pieces of me will be passed on to my children. They should be so lucky! LOL!!!
As an adult, not much has changed. I will still get obsessed with a song from time to time. And I will even choreograph a dance/workout if the song is REALLY good and pumps me up. Funny thing is that when I have been doing this, I thought I was doing it in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom. However, Daughter informed me last week, that she has seen my dances/workouts - several times - when she has come to talk to me, and instead of making herself known, she has quietly been watching me. Well, at least I was dressed. LOL!!!
Music has and will continue to influence and inspire my life. It is the food that feeds my soul. Music is tied to memories and experiences. I can't even imagine my life without music. I am truly grateful for all of the people that have been blessed with the talent of creating music! May your words and melodies continue to live on forever!!! :-)
Video:
Katy Perry "Wide Awake"
Monday, May 21, 2012
I Was Here
As I admire the gorgeous, bright sun shining through my bedroom window - creating a beautiful reflection on my wall, I am having a moment. A flashback. An awakening. There is a combination of smiles and tears coming from my face as the song "I Was Here" from the movie "Act of Valor" - by Lady Antebellum - begins to play in my headphones.
The lyrics touch a deep place within me and my heart....they remind me of the girl I used to be, the dreams I had in my youth, the person I thought I would become when I grew up.
When my dreams of becoming an actress fell short (unfortunately, because of a guy), I decided to use my next best talent - which was helping others. I had been a volunteer in many different capacities since I was in 7th grade, and thought that those experiences would serve me well in a Social Work setting. I wanted to do something that really mattered - to make a difference in the world. I spent 3 years of college focusing my energy, emotions and time into learning all I could about abused children and battered women. I took all the classes that were offered about these two subjects, attending seminars, reading all the books I could find and I even volunteered at a shelter for battered women for about a year.
Then one day, I had an awakening. Why was I so drawn to wanting to help abused women and children? Why did I want to "save" them? Because without realizing it at the time, I was really trying to save myself. I was in an abusive relationship, and I thought I could change the person abusing me, so I stayed. Eventually, I was able to put into practice for myself all of the same principles I had been trying to teach to the women at the shelter to do for themselves. But it was not easy!
Jump ahead 6 years to 1992. When I was laid off from my job at a computer company (that I had started working at when I was in college, and had been there for three years), I still had a strong desire to serve others. With the Sociology degree I earned, I decided I was going to finally find a job that would make a "real" difference in the world around me. I wanted to use the skills and knowledge I had learned in my Social Work and Sociology classes.
After 4 months of looking for the "perfect" job, I found it! Ironically, I was offered a PAYING job at a Battered Women's Shelter!!! My responsibilities were to lead support groups, work one-on-one with mothers and their children staying at the shelter with them, and be the liaison person between the shelter and the schools that the children in the shelter were attending.
Unfortunately, my "perfect" job, was never experienced! I was engaged at the time, and my spouse-to-be was living in another town and he was unable to find a new job where I was. So one week after I had accepted the job, I had to call them back and decline the job and move to where he was.
It took another 4 years before I was finally able to find another job that would "help" others. But that was short-lived, and I resigned after only 14 months because I was going to become a full-time mother, and my time of "helping" others would now be given to my greatest gifts - my children.
This coming Fall all four of my children will be in school full-time. Because of current life circumstances, I will probably need to find a "paying" job while they are at school. What to do, what to do??? Fortunately, I am finally being able to reconnect back with my original dream of acting and being on stage from many years ago, once again this summer. However, this is not a paying gig. So until I can find paying theater gigs, I will need to seek out a job that does pay. But it needs to be a job that makes a difference. A job that makes my heart sing with happiness and contentment; like the feelings I have as a mother.
As the song "I Was Here" says: "I wanna do something better with the time I've been given. I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life. Leave nothing less than something that says I was here." If I have to work outside the home again, than I want this. I want to do something that REALLY matters! :-)
Video:
"I WAS HERE" by Lady Antebellum (Act of Valor - movie)
Video:
"I WAS HERE" by Lady Antebellum (Act of Valor - movie)
"I WAS HERE" by Lady Antebellum
You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says I was here
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says I was here
And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says I was here
I was here
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says I was here
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says I was here
And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says I was here
I was here
Journals For The Soul
I think it has finally come time for me to start using a prayer journal and a gratitude journal.
I have so many prayers swirling around in my head, I can't seem to keep them all straight. And then I feel guilty for not remembering what I told someone I would keep in my prayers or the name of a person I should be praying for. When it comes to my own prayers, I would love to have a place to put them - to be able to re-read them until they are answered. Then when they are answered, being able to see that, and make a note of it. It would be a reminder to me that God DOES answer prayers - but in HIS time.
About two years ago for Easter, I had a friend of mine, make prayer journals for my children. Sadly, they have not been used to their fullest potential. Sounds like something I need to put on my summer "things to do" list for me and the kids to work on and use. And while I am at it, I need to have one made for me.
The same goes for having a gratitude journal. Everyday there are moments in my life that I am truly grateful for, things the kids will say, or an experience with another person, and I need to record these moments in an effort of helping me keep my life in perspective. Oprah Winfrey used to talk about gratitude journals often on her show and in her magazine. I even had one of my best friends give me a beautiful one as a gift for my birthday years ago, and yet the book has collected dust and the pages are still empty. It sounds like the perfect time for me to start using it, too!
Right now at this point in my life, there are so many highs and lows and so many people that are either sucking the wind out of my life, or are putting wind in my sail. This may sound crazy, but I am grateful for all of them, because the good and the not so good have purpose in my life. Those people and the moments they are associated with are helping to teach me so much about myself and the life I believe God is calling me to have.
I think my first entry for my gratitude journal will be that I am grateful for JESUS, OUR LORD. I am grateful that HE is such an important part of my life and that HE is all-loving and accepting of me and who I am and how I feel (even when others are not). I am grateful for HIS unending forgiveness of my sins, and HIS carrying me when I feel vulnerable, overwhelmed or weak. I am grateful that HE walks beside me to give me strength and encouragement. I am grateful that HE has brought certain people into my life while helping me to remove others. In my darkest moments, HE has been and will continue to be my shining light, guiding my path to a better place.
Thank you JESUS for all this and so much more!!! :-)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Please Protect Our OWN Children, First!
Recently, the uglies of the Internet have captured the attention of one of my children, and I am crazy with anger and fear, because I am not sure which child has been affected because they all know each others passwords and will use each others accounts when they need more time to complete a homework assignment.
This was discovered as I was checking the sites-visited section for each of my kids in the parental controls section of my iMac the other night. So much for having the "adult content blocked" button selected! Sounds like I will be paying a visit to the Apple Store next week with my computer to figure out how this could have happened!!!! UUGGHHH!!!!
I recognize that curiosity is a normal part of growing up, and at some point we have all been curious about "adult-like" things when we were kids, but the access our children have to such graphic, visual videos and pictures is appalling!!!! To think our parents thought Playboy/Playgirl was evil to the young mind, it doesn't even compare to the evils our kids have access to today on the internet!!!
For all the governing our government insists on doing, which at times I think is a bit TOO much, why can't they do more when it comes to our kids, here in our own country. Many times it seems like the government does more to protect the animals in our country than they do for the children. This is not a party issue - Democratic, Republican or Independent. It's a family issue! All families are at risk of being affected by this - even those running our country!
Let me clarify, I am NOT saying that we should forget the issues and needs of children from around the world, or the animals in our country, but our children should come FIRST, and right now I don't feel like they do!
Many children in America -
* Aren't covered by health insurance
* Are homeless
* Don't have food to eat
* Don't have access to education
* Don't have clothes to wear other than what's on their back
* Live in gang infested areas
* Have parents in prison
* Are being bullied and then commit suicide because it was all too much
* Have childhood cancers and diseases, and there has been a high increase of this in the last 10 years!
* Have a gun for their protection
* Are in gangs and are killing other children and adults
And my list could go on and on, but you get the picture. Again, I ask, why isn't our government doing more regarding the issues affecting our children?
With these kinds of issues affecting our children here in America, the issues of the internet (to some people) might seem trivial in comparison. But when it is your own child being negatively affected by the internet, it becomes just as critical an issue!!!
Children are born into this world innocent and with no expectations or assumptions. Why is this part of them so quickly taken away from them by our society? Especially by the internet!!!
I would be lying if I said I "hated" the internet. Because I don't. I actually find it fascinating and interesting. If it wasn't for the internet I am not sure how I would have learned all I have when it comes to food allergies and my children. Having access to published research papers, medical articles and websites has been a blessing in helping me navigate through what initially were overwhelming diagnosis's for my children. So now I am "queen" of knowledge about gluten-free, dairy-free, peanut-free, tree-nut free and soy-free living!!! Oh, and let's not forget that Daughter decided (on her own for personal conscious reasons) to become vegetarian 20 months ago. Shopping and cooking for my family is no small task!! LOL!!!!
I am glad there is the internet for things like that. But I am NOT glad that children are able to so easily access sites and videos of adult content! With all the "brains" in Washington D.C. or Silicon Valley, why hasn't someone figured out how to TRULY block those kinds of links on the internet for children without the need of a software program. If the internet is free to access, blocking of sites that are not for children, should also be "freely" done. Many, many parents can not afford the software programs needed to block these kinds of sites and links. So then their children are being exposed to the "uglies" of the internet. That does not seem right or fair. These parents want and need their children to be equally protected just like the parents who can afford these programs.
With an issue as serious as this, children should not be negatively impacted because of their parents socio-economic circumstances. What is in the best interest of ALL children here in America??? No matter how much or how little money their parents have. All parents LOVE their children and want them to be safe. So as a government, how do they intend to do this for the children of our country? I know there are grassroot groups and organizations trying to make a difference in this area, but the money and resources that are needed for this big a change NEEDS to come from "Uncle Sam."
It scares me to think how bad and serious is this all going to have to get, before the government steps in and really does something about this - something that MAKES A DIFFERENCE! And I DON'T want a band-aid fix! I want open-heart surgery!!!! I want MAJOR CHANGES!!!
I suppose until then, for the time being, I am going to have to go on the internet and research what the different groups and organizations are actually doing to help towards improving the safety of the internet for our children and get involved. Since I am a person that believes if I am going to voice an opinion for change, then I need to help towards the change. I challenge anyone else reading this post...if you feel the same way and truly want to see a change regarding the safety of the internet for our children, please get involved towards this change. Until the president and the government believes this is a "real" issue worth their time and our money (make me mad, that they don't!), we as parents will just need to keep fighting the fight to keep our children safe with whatever resources we have available to us!!! :-)
I recognize that curiosity is a normal part of growing up, and at some point we have all been curious about "adult-like" things when we were kids, but the access our children have to such graphic, visual videos and pictures is appalling!!!! To think our parents thought Playboy/Playgirl was evil to the young mind, it doesn't even compare to the evils our kids have access to today on the internet!!!
For all the governing our government insists on doing, which at times I think is a bit TOO much, why can't they do more when it comes to our kids, here in our own country. Many times it seems like the government does more to protect the animals in our country than they do for the children. This is not a party issue - Democratic, Republican or Independent. It's a family issue! All families are at risk of being affected by this - even those running our country!
Let me clarify, I am NOT saying that we should forget the issues and needs of children from around the world, or the animals in our country, but our children should come FIRST, and right now I don't feel like they do!
Many children in America -
* Aren't covered by health insurance
* Are homeless
* Don't have food to eat
* Don't have access to education
* Don't have clothes to wear other than what's on their back
* Live in gang infested areas
* Have parents in prison
* Are being bullied and then commit suicide because it was all too much
* Have childhood cancers and diseases, and there has been a high increase of this in the last 10 years!
* Have a gun for their protection
* Are in gangs and are killing other children and adults
And my list could go on and on, but you get the picture. Again, I ask, why isn't our government doing more regarding the issues affecting our children?
With these kinds of issues affecting our children here in America, the issues of the internet (to some people) might seem trivial in comparison. But when it is your own child being negatively affected by the internet, it becomes just as critical an issue!!!
Children are born into this world innocent and with no expectations or assumptions. Why is this part of them so quickly taken away from them by our society? Especially by the internet!!!
I would be lying if I said I "hated" the internet. Because I don't. I actually find it fascinating and interesting. If it wasn't for the internet I am not sure how I would have learned all I have when it comes to food allergies and my children. Having access to published research papers, medical articles and websites has been a blessing in helping me navigate through what initially were overwhelming diagnosis's for my children. So now I am "queen" of knowledge about gluten-free, dairy-free, peanut-free, tree-nut free and soy-free living!!! Oh, and let's not forget that Daughter decided (on her own for personal conscious reasons) to become vegetarian 20 months ago. Shopping and cooking for my family is no small task!! LOL!!!!
I am glad there is the internet for things like that. But I am NOT glad that children are able to so easily access sites and videos of adult content! With all the "brains" in Washington D.C. or Silicon Valley, why hasn't someone figured out how to TRULY block those kinds of links on the internet for children without the need of a software program. If the internet is free to access, blocking of sites that are not for children, should also be "freely" done. Many, many parents can not afford the software programs needed to block these kinds of sites and links. So then their children are being exposed to the "uglies" of the internet. That does not seem right or fair. These parents want and need their children to be equally protected just like the parents who can afford these programs.
With an issue as serious as this, children should not be negatively impacted because of their parents socio-economic circumstances. What is in the best interest of ALL children here in America??? No matter how much or how little money their parents have. All parents LOVE their children and want them to be safe. So as a government, how do they intend to do this for the children of our country? I know there are grassroot groups and organizations trying to make a difference in this area, but the money and resources that are needed for this big a change NEEDS to come from "Uncle Sam."
It scares me to think how bad and serious is this all going to have to get, before the government steps in and really does something about this - something that MAKES A DIFFERENCE! And I DON'T want a band-aid fix! I want open-heart surgery!!!! I want MAJOR CHANGES!!!
I suppose until then, for the time being, I am going to have to go on the internet and research what the different groups and organizations are actually doing to help towards improving the safety of the internet for our children and get involved. Since I am a person that believes if I am going to voice an opinion for change, then I need to help towards the change. I challenge anyone else reading this post...if you feel the same way and truly want to see a change regarding the safety of the internet for our children, please get involved towards this change. Until the president and the government believes this is a "real" issue worth their time and our money (make me mad, that they don't!), we as parents will just need to keep fighting the fight to keep our children safe with whatever resources we have available to us!!! :-)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Stop Trying To Divide Mothers!
I have been pondering for the last several days how to put to "paper" what my thoughts and feelings have been regarding the recent Time Magazine article called "Are You Mom Enough" and the photo on the cover. Let me start with a disclaimer....these are just my thoughts and feelings and are not intended to offend or insult anyone. My apologies if they do that, because that is NOT my intention.
So, I am trying to understand why Time Magazine felt the need to have the cover photo they did recently, with the mother breastfeeding her 3 year old son standing up. I read the photographers explanation as to why he decided to take that photo and use it, but I have to say, as a mother who did breastfeed my children into toddlerhood (Son #1 - 20 months; Daughter - 31 months; Son #2 - 33 months; Son #3 - 42 months) we NEVER had a public scene like that. And I know and have known MANY women who have breastfed their children through toddlerhood, and never did they publicly nurse their children this way, either. Perhaps they did this in the privacy of their own home, or at a La Leche League meeting (where they felt safe and wouldn't be judged), but not in public.
I did witness 3 year olds (even my own Son #3) sitting across a lap and very discreetly nursing, but it just looked like they were having a snuggle moment. There was no boob hanging out of a shirt. I think if the photographer's intention was to show that toddlers do in fact still nurse, even if is not necessarily the norm here in America, this photo did not help in the efforts of support and acceptance of toddler nursing in our society!!! If his photo was to display "attachment parenting," he could have used so many other poses to display the same message. He could have shown a baby or even a toddler in a sling being carried, appearing attached to mom in that manner. I believe that the photo they used was for shock value (in the media's typical fashion) to draw attention to itself in any manner they could - even at the expense of causing more negative stereotypes towards breastfeeding here in America. Shame on them!
I realize that the focus of the article was about "Attachment Parenting." But something about the article did not sit right with me. For those that don't really know me, I was (and still am to some degree) an "attachment parenting" kind of parent. I did carry my babies around constantly (Daughter lived in the "Baby Sling" and Son #2 and Son #3 lived in a "Maya Wrap"), I did (and currently still do, at times) co-sleep with my children until they were ready to move to a bed or sleep with another sibling (which the age varied with each child), and I did breastfeed each of them until they were ready to wean.
I think what bothered me about the article was that it felt like an "all or nothing" kind of story and it was trying to stir something up (again) between moms that work-away-from-home and the stay-at-home moms. Which I think is wrong! And I am so tired of this. It also made it sound like if a person is a stay-at-home mom, then she will more likely be the better "attachment parent." And if she works-away-from-home, she will not be able to be a fully "attached parent," or at least very good at it.
Over the years, I have known some wonderful moms that had to work-away-from-home, away from their babies, but once they were home, they breastfed, carried, and co-slept with their babies. These women were in all senses "attached' and great at it! Then I have known some stay-at-home moms that could have breastfed their babies, held them all day long, and co-slept with them and chose not to do any of those things. Obviously, they were far from "attached" and could care less if they were. So for an article to allude to the idea that only stay-at-home moms can be attached, I think is cruel and unfair to the working-away-from-home moms. Society would be wrong to assume that only stay-at-home moms can be "attached parents." Because there are plenty of stay-at-home moms, that probably shouldn't be staying at home.
The whole concept of "Attachment Parenting" was becoming a trendy phrase shortly before Son #1 was born back in 1997. The first book I received when I was pregnant, about raising a baby, was called "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears, whom the Time article references. I did not actually open the book and start reading it until after Son #1 was born. And when I did, I remember reading about the "Attachment Parenting" concept for the first time, and thought how odd that there was a "term" for what I was already doing with my baby, that just seemed like the natural thing to do. Breastfeed him when he was hungry, carry/hold him as often as I could or when he needed to be held or carried, co-sleep with him during the night so I could get some sleep, too.
My personal background happens to include being an accredited La Leche League Leader for the last 12 years (providing mother and child support, education and resources for breastfeeding), so many people might think that I would be pretty hard core about everyone needing to be an "attached parent." Well, when I became a leader, I realized that my job was to help mothers and their babies wherever THEY were at, NOT where I wanted them to be, when it came to breastfeeding and parenting. Once I accepted that, I was able to embrace ALL mothers and not judge them for making whatever choices they made. That attitude towards other mothers, has stayed with me even when I am not wearing my La Leche League hat. This is not to say, that I don't share my philosophies about parenting with other new moms, but I am thoughtful and considerate in what I share and the information I provide, because I remember what it felt like as a new mom trying to assimilate so much new information and hoping to make the best choice for my baby while at the same time not wanting to feel judged about whatever choices I made.
Over the years I have learned that parenting is about meeting your children where they are at. And if you follow your heart when parenting, then most of the choices you will make will be the right ones. As babies, I nursed my children when they were hungry, never let them "cry-it-out", and followed their lead when it came time for them to learn to use the toilet. However, each child is different, and what worked for one child didn't always work for another. Did I feel any less attached as a parent because Son #1 did not like to be confined in a sling with me carrying him around all the time? Nor did he like sleeping all cuddled up next to me once he got to be about 6 months old? Absolutely not! I followed his lead - I trusted him. He in turn could trust me. And we WERE "attached." Ultimately, isn't that what we all want as parents. Children that can trust us and count on us to be there for them no matter what their age or circumstances.
I wish the news media would stop trying to divide mothers against mothers and spend more time on issues that are negatively influencing our children - like the film and television media and the internet. Perhaps Time Magazine could write an article in an upcoming issue called "Do We Care Enough" - and it would be aimed at themselves and what they plan to do to show they care enough about the children in our society and how they will help in an effort to make the film and television media more appropriate viewing for our children and the internet a safer place to be.
Now, that would be an article I would REALLY like to read! :-)
So, I am trying to understand why Time Magazine felt the need to have the cover photo they did recently, with the mother breastfeeding her 3 year old son standing up. I read the photographers explanation as to why he decided to take that photo and use it, but I have to say, as a mother who did breastfeed my children into toddlerhood (Son #1 - 20 months; Daughter - 31 months; Son #2 - 33 months; Son #3 - 42 months) we NEVER had a public scene like that. And I know and have known MANY women who have breastfed their children through toddlerhood, and never did they publicly nurse their children this way, either. Perhaps they did this in the privacy of their own home, or at a La Leche League meeting (where they felt safe and wouldn't be judged), but not in public.
I did witness 3 year olds (even my own Son #3) sitting across a lap and very discreetly nursing, but it just looked like they were having a snuggle moment. There was no boob hanging out of a shirt. I think if the photographer's intention was to show that toddlers do in fact still nurse, even if is not necessarily the norm here in America, this photo did not help in the efforts of support and acceptance of toddler nursing in our society!!! If his photo was to display "attachment parenting," he could have used so many other poses to display the same message. He could have shown a baby or even a toddler in a sling being carried, appearing attached to mom in that manner. I believe that the photo they used was for shock value (in the media's typical fashion) to draw attention to itself in any manner they could - even at the expense of causing more negative stereotypes towards breastfeeding here in America. Shame on them!
I realize that the focus of the article was about "Attachment Parenting." But something about the article did not sit right with me. For those that don't really know me, I was (and still am to some degree) an "attachment parenting" kind of parent. I did carry my babies around constantly (Daughter lived in the "Baby Sling" and Son #2 and Son #3 lived in a "Maya Wrap"), I did (and currently still do, at times) co-sleep with my children until they were ready to move to a bed or sleep with another sibling (which the age varied with each child), and I did breastfeed each of them until they were ready to wean.
I think what bothered me about the article was that it felt like an "all or nothing" kind of story and it was trying to stir something up (again) between moms that work-away-from-home and the stay-at-home moms. Which I think is wrong! And I am so tired of this. It also made it sound like if a person is a stay-at-home mom, then she will more likely be the better "attachment parent." And if she works-away-from-home, she will not be able to be a fully "attached parent," or at least very good at it.
Over the years, I have known some wonderful moms that had to work-away-from-home, away from their babies, but once they were home, they breastfed, carried, and co-slept with their babies. These women were in all senses "attached' and great at it! Then I have known some stay-at-home moms that could have breastfed their babies, held them all day long, and co-slept with them and chose not to do any of those things. Obviously, they were far from "attached" and could care less if they were. So for an article to allude to the idea that only stay-at-home moms can be attached, I think is cruel and unfair to the working-away-from-home moms. Society would be wrong to assume that only stay-at-home moms can be "attached parents." Because there are plenty of stay-at-home moms, that probably shouldn't be staying at home.
The whole concept of "Attachment Parenting" was becoming a trendy phrase shortly before Son #1 was born back in 1997. The first book I received when I was pregnant, about raising a baby, was called "The Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears, whom the Time article references. I did not actually open the book and start reading it until after Son #1 was born. And when I did, I remember reading about the "Attachment Parenting" concept for the first time, and thought how odd that there was a "term" for what I was already doing with my baby, that just seemed like the natural thing to do. Breastfeed him when he was hungry, carry/hold him as often as I could or when he needed to be held or carried, co-sleep with him during the night so I could get some sleep, too.
My personal background happens to include being an accredited La Leche League Leader for the last 12 years (providing mother and child support, education and resources for breastfeeding), so many people might think that I would be pretty hard core about everyone needing to be an "attached parent." Well, when I became a leader, I realized that my job was to help mothers and their babies wherever THEY were at, NOT where I wanted them to be, when it came to breastfeeding and parenting. Once I accepted that, I was able to embrace ALL mothers and not judge them for making whatever choices they made. That attitude towards other mothers, has stayed with me even when I am not wearing my La Leche League hat. This is not to say, that I don't share my philosophies about parenting with other new moms, but I am thoughtful and considerate in what I share and the information I provide, because I remember what it felt like as a new mom trying to assimilate so much new information and hoping to make the best choice for my baby while at the same time not wanting to feel judged about whatever choices I made.
Over the years I have learned that parenting is about meeting your children where they are at. And if you follow your heart when parenting, then most of the choices you will make will be the right ones. As babies, I nursed my children when they were hungry, never let them "cry-it-out", and followed their lead when it came time for them to learn to use the toilet. However, each child is different, and what worked for one child didn't always work for another. Did I feel any less attached as a parent because Son #1 did not like to be confined in a sling with me carrying him around all the time? Nor did he like sleeping all cuddled up next to me once he got to be about 6 months old? Absolutely not! I followed his lead - I trusted him. He in turn could trust me. And we WERE "attached." Ultimately, isn't that what we all want as parents. Children that can trust us and count on us to be there for them no matter what their age or circumstances.
It is hard enough trying to be a good mother without society putting so many additional, unnecessary pressures on the job of being a mother. I wish this would stop. We are all doing our best to be the best mother we can be with the resources and knowledge at our disposal. Is a mother any less a mother if she doesn't breastfeed her babies? Or doesn't carry her babies? Or doesn't sleep with her babies? NO!!!! What if this mother doesn't know about the benefits of these types of parenting choices. Sometimes, the choices we make in life are based on who we know, and what we know. And if you don't know, than you can't know to make different choices.
I wish the news media would stop trying to divide mothers against mothers and spend more time on issues that are negatively influencing our children - like the film and television media and the internet. Perhaps Time Magazine could write an article in an upcoming issue called "Do We Care Enough" - and it would be aimed at themselves and what they plan to do to show they care enough about the children in our society and how they will help in an effort to make the film and television media more appropriate viewing for our children and the internet a safer place to be.
Now, that would be an article I would REALLY like to read! :-)
Monday, May 14, 2012
A Mother's Day To Remember
As Mother's Day draws to a close...less than an hour left to the day...I remember that all things "mother" happened to me today!
I was greeted at 6:30 a.m. by the odor and dampness in my bed due to one of my children, (but to protect this child's reputation, I will not divulge which one - hahaha!), who decided during the night they needed to sleep near me because they were having a bad dream. Well, I guess the bad dream continued for this lovely child of mine because I woke up saying "THIS HAS TO BE A BAD DREAM FOR ME!" when I noticed a smell - due to them dreaming they had to go to the bathroom during the night and guess what....they did! In my bed!!! Oh Yeah! Happy Mother's Day to me! What a great way to start my day! LOL!
Then, because Son #1 had a 7:45 a.m. Soccer game I wanted to attend because it was his last game of the season, and it was about 30 minutes from my house, there was no time to deal with the sheets or the mattress cover (until MANY hours later - SO FRUSTRATING!!!!), much less have breakfast or grab a quick shower. (That would have to happen a few hours later!) But I would definitely HAVE to make the time for this child to run through the shower before leaving with me this morning.
At this rate, the slightest idea or possible attempt at pampering myself today, was NOT going to be happening! So, on went my workout pants, long sleeve t-shirt and the hair in a pony tail with a lovely black ball cap with a red and black cross and gold stitching on the front (so I looked like I made a little effort this morning before leaving the house). I did manage to brush my hair, brush my teeth and put the contacts into my eyes so I could see. But no time for make-up! JUST LOVELY!!!! The start of my day was REALLY not looking so good - literally - and it was only 7:00 a.m. LOL!!!!
With all this excitement so early today, there was also NO breakfast in bed for me, like in years past. The kids would create a lovely decorated menu of the options for my meal, beverage, and condiments. I had to circle my selections and then wait patiently upstairs in my bedroom, as they "reorganized" my kitchen with their father, in their wonderful attempt to cook for me. (This menu selection scene would be reminiscent of being at the hospital delivering these lovely babies - and the nurse would bring me my "meal card" to select my food/beverage options for the day. Same idea! LOL!)
Today's breakfast didn't actually happen until about 10:00 a.m. - and it was at the kitchen table - surrounded by the "sweet" sound of children bickering, crying, and arguing. Ahhhhhh yes...what would a Mother's Day be without these kids "reminding" me during my "Mother's Day Breakfast" that they exist! And it is because of their existence, that I am able to proudly wear the title "mom". I would just like to have a peaceful meal at least once a year - perhaps on Mother's Day (that seems fairly reasonable). What a "perfect" gift idea...and it doesn't cost a dime...only costs each of the kids a little effort on their part, to try to get along with each other for all of about 30 minutes! But I guess that wasn't on THEIR list. Let the indigestion begin.... LOL!!!
(Do you notice a pattern here? Every scene has had a "LOL" - because all I could do to keep my sanity thus far was to LAUGH OUT LOUD!)
At 10:30 I announce to the WHOLE family, "Mom is FINALLY going to take her shower. DO NOT DISTURB ME! I have all of 30 minutes to get ready and out of here so I can go see my own mother for Mother's Day!"
Originally, I did not think I would have the time to see her today, because of all of the kids activities. But that made me feel REALLY sad and angry. It was Mother's Day, and I had a mother, too. And she was at her home not feeling so well, and I needed to see her. Somehow, I was going to FIND the time, even if it was only for 30 minutes, to take her gifts and cards to her, and wish her a "Happy Mother's Day" in person. It would have been easy to wait until another day during the upcoming week, when I wasn't so busy, to stop by and visit with her. But for some reason, when it comes to my mom, I feel like I shouldn't put off until tomorrow what I need to do today. Her health has not always been the best since her 4 heart attacks in a three week period of time happened almost six years ago, which then resulted in a quadruple by-pass surgery at the young age of 60 years old. Since that whole experience (while I was 8 months pregnant with Son #3), I feel like every day with her is truly a gift from God!
The visit with my mom, was in fact only 30 minutes by the time I arrived at her home, because I had to be at the Theater by 12:30 to volunteer in The Green Room for the final performance of Christian Youth Theater's (CYT) musical production of "Charlotte's Web", which Daughter and Son #2 were performing in. This was my second year in a row that Mother's Day was spent at the Theater - volunteering in The Green Room. Last year's show was "The Sound of Music" - and Son #1, Daughter, and Son #2 were all in that musical. What an easy Spring that was - having the three older kids doing the same activity at the same time! What a concept! Too bad, it was only that one time. (Hey, maybe that is another gift idea I could suggest to them. All of them doing the same activity at the SAME TIME in the SAME PLACE! LOL!)
I must say, that even though it is Mother's Day, spending the day not only with my family, but around other kids and their families is actually pretty cool. As parents, we sacrifice so much for our children to be a part of CYT. Not just money, but our time, too. I have had many people over the years ask me why I continue to volunteer in The Green Room. (This is my 8th show out of 10, being in The Green Room, with CYT.) For me, there is no other committee I would rather be on. I have tried a couple of other committees, but they did not bring me the same kind of joy that volunteering in The Green Room does.
About 20 minutes before each performance, the cast of a show (usually between 80 to 100 children, ages 8 years old to 18 years old) will form several circles around the piano, holding hands or arms around each other, and begin to sing. And I don't mean they "just" sing to warm up...they SING!!!!
These beautiful and amazing young people start singing songs of praise and worship to Our Lord with their INCREDIBLE God-gifted voices. OMG!!! The first time I witnessed this 3 years ago, I was SPEECHLESS and in complete AWE at what I was witnessing. I had never seen or been a part of something so wonderful with such a large group of kids in a play. (And their parents weren't even in the room, forcing them to do this!) At that moment, I felt like it was really an honor and privilege to be volunteering in The Green Room, witnessing a moment in time that most other parents would not get to experience unless they too were a volunteer in The Green Room. I was able to see another side of these children (especially my own children) that many times goes unnoticed. I AM succeeding at raising God-filled and inspired children, and they openly share it with others - especially in song. Make my mother's heart sing with happiness! I have been hooked on The Green Room ever since!
By the time I got home (after the show, the strike and the strike party), it was about 8:45 p.m.! I was thinking I still had a couple of hours left to the day, and NOW I might have time to relax. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?! Crazy thoughts, obviously! There is no time for relaxing...Son #1, Son #2 and Daughter all still have homework to complete. And Son #3 needs a bath - bad!!!
It's 9:45 p.m., the bath is complete, but something isn't quite right. Son #3 has broken out EVERYWHERE from his face, down his back and front side, down his arms and legs and even the tops of his feet!!! WTH!!!! This is NOT good!!! Trying to stay calm, yet panicking inside, "what the hell did he eat???" He is itchy, and it all appeared at one time! Having a child with food allergies, especially to peanut and tree nut is way freakin' scary. Especially when they are little, because they don't always remember what they touched, or fully understand that before they accept food from a person, they have to ask about the ingredients. They have to say they are allergic to peanut and tree nuts. Hopefully, that is not what this is!
The tongue looks ok. His breathing is ok. He is not throwing up. He does not feel warm. He is not lethargic. No need for the epi pen, jr.! But the body does NOT look ok!!! Do I call the doctor??? At this time, I decide NO. This has happened before back when he was about 17 months old from eggs. However, it happened almost immediately after he ate them. Today was pancakes - no eggs. So what was causing this???? I suppose if it is still there tomorrow morning, we will go see the doctor. But hopefully some special lotion and Benadryl will resolve this. After 7.5 years of dealing with food allergies (which started way back when Son #2 was 18 months old and it was discovered that he was VERY allergic to Soy, Peanuts and Dairy), I thought I had this all under control. It appears a new culprit has entered my food arena and now I must go on a hunt to discover what is attacking Son #3! NEVER a dull moment when it comes to food allergies and my kiddos!!!
I finally finish taking care of Son #3, get him to bed - at 10:45 p.m.! The other three kids are also finally going to bed after finishing their homework. I am so ready to go to bed, myself! But does mom get to go to bed? Not yet!!! I still had not washed the sheets and mattress protector from this morning's little "accident". (Remember that from HOURS ago?!?!?!) So now at 11:00 p.m. I am starting laundry!!! Looks like tonight I will be sleeping in Son #3's bed. I really don't want to be awake until 1:00 a.m. waiting for sheets. (Yes, I do have another set of sheets, but I just changed them a couple of days ago and they needed to be washed, too! UUGGHH!)
While, today might not have been the "perfect" Mother's Day, I am truly thankful for being a mother! Thanks to these four incredible children! These moments and similar ones that happened today, do in fact happen EVERY DAY when you are a mother! They just seem to be heightened on a day like today, because out of 365 days during the year, you hope for at least this ONE day each year, to not be so "event-filled". LOL!!! Maybe next year.....we'll see....
But despite how my Mother's Day started this year, and continued throughout the day, it really is going to end perfectly. Knowing that all of my children are home safe with me, asleep in their beds...and me snuggling with my last baby - Son #3. Thank you God for allowing me to be the mother to these little blessings of life! It really was a "happy" Mother's Day! :-)
(I recorded the cast of CYT "Charlotte's Web" warming up with worship and praise songs before their last performance today. Their voices will make you smile!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAktqsg_1g0
I was greeted at 6:30 a.m. by the odor and dampness in my bed due to one of my children, (but to protect this child's reputation, I will not divulge which one - hahaha!), who decided during the night they needed to sleep near me because they were having a bad dream. Well, I guess the bad dream continued for this lovely child of mine because I woke up saying "THIS HAS TO BE A BAD DREAM FOR ME!" when I noticed a smell - due to them dreaming they had to go to the bathroom during the night and guess what....they did! In my bed!!! Oh Yeah! Happy Mother's Day to me! What a great way to start my day! LOL!
Then, because Son #1 had a 7:45 a.m. Soccer game I wanted to attend because it was his last game of the season, and it was about 30 minutes from my house, there was no time to deal with the sheets or the mattress cover (until MANY hours later - SO FRUSTRATING!!!!), much less have breakfast or grab a quick shower. (That would have to happen a few hours later!) But I would definitely HAVE to make the time for this child to run through the shower before leaving with me this morning.
At this rate, the slightest idea or possible attempt at pampering myself today, was NOT going to be happening! So, on went my workout pants, long sleeve t-shirt and the hair in a pony tail with a lovely black ball cap with a red and black cross and gold stitching on the front (so I looked like I made a little effort this morning before leaving the house). I did manage to brush my hair, brush my teeth and put the contacts into my eyes so I could see. But no time for make-up! JUST LOVELY!!!! The start of my day was REALLY not looking so good - literally - and it was only 7:00 a.m. LOL!!!!
With all this excitement so early today, there was also NO breakfast in bed for me, like in years past. The kids would create a lovely decorated menu of the options for my meal, beverage, and condiments. I had to circle my selections and then wait patiently upstairs in my bedroom, as they "reorganized" my kitchen with their father, in their wonderful attempt to cook for me. (This menu selection scene would be reminiscent of being at the hospital delivering these lovely babies - and the nurse would bring me my "meal card" to select my food/beverage options for the day. Same idea! LOL!)
Today's breakfast didn't actually happen until about 10:00 a.m. - and it was at the kitchen table - surrounded by the "sweet" sound of children bickering, crying, and arguing. Ahhhhhh yes...what would a Mother's Day be without these kids "reminding" me during my "Mother's Day Breakfast" that they exist! And it is because of their existence, that I am able to proudly wear the title "mom". I would just like to have a peaceful meal at least once a year - perhaps on Mother's Day (that seems fairly reasonable). What a "perfect" gift idea...and it doesn't cost a dime...only costs each of the kids a little effort on their part, to try to get along with each other for all of about 30 minutes! But I guess that wasn't on THEIR list. Let the indigestion begin.... LOL!!!
(Do you notice a pattern here? Every scene has had a "LOL" - because all I could do to keep my sanity thus far was to LAUGH OUT LOUD!)
At 10:30 I announce to the WHOLE family, "Mom is FINALLY going to take her shower. DO NOT DISTURB ME! I have all of 30 minutes to get ready and out of here so I can go see my own mother for Mother's Day!"
Originally, I did not think I would have the time to see her today, because of all of the kids activities. But that made me feel REALLY sad and angry. It was Mother's Day, and I had a mother, too. And she was at her home not feeling so well, and I needed to see her. Somehow, I was going to FIND the time, even if it was only for 30 minutes, to take her gifts and cards to her, and wish her a "Happy Mother's Day" in person. It would have been easy to wait until another day during the upcoming week, when I wasn't so busy, to stop by and visit with her. But for some reason, when it comes to my mom, I feel like I shouldn't put off until tomorrow what I need to do today. Her health has not always been the best since her 4 heart attacks in a three week period of time happened almost six years ago, which then resulted in a quadruple by-pass surgery at the young age of 60 years old. Since that whole experience (while I was 8 months pregnant with Son #3), I feel like every day with her is truly a gift from God!
The visit with my mom, was in fact only 30 minutes by the time I arrived at her home, because I had to be at the Theater by 12:30 to volunteer in The Green Room for the final performance of Christian Youth Theater's (CYT) musical production of "Charlotte's Web", which Daughter and Son #2 were performing in. This was my second year in a row that Mother's Day was spent at the Theater - volunteering in The Green Room. Last year's show was "The Sound of Music" - and Son #1, Daughter, and Son #2 were all in that musical. What an easy Spring that was - having the three older kids doing the same activity at the same time! What a concept! Too bad, it was only that one time. (Hey, maybe that is another gift idea I could suggest to them. All of them doing the same activity at the SAME TIME in the SAME PLACE! LOL!)
I must say, that even though it is Mother's Day, spending the day not only with my family, but around other kids and their families is actually pretty cool. As parents, we sacrifice so much for our children to be a part of CYT. Not just money, but our time, too. I have had many people over the years ask me why I continue to volunteer in The Green Room. (This is my 8th show out of 10, being in The Green Room, with CYT.) For me, there is no other committee I would rather be on. I have tried a couple of other committees, but they did not bring me the same kind of joy that volunteering in The Green Room does.
About 20 minutes before each performance, the cast of a show (usually between 80 to 100 children, ages 8 years old to 18 years old) will form several circles around the piano, holding hands or arms around each other, and begin to sing. And I don't mean they "just" sing to warm up...they SING!!!!
These beautiful and amazing young people start singing songs of praise and worship to Our Lord with their INCREDIBLE God-gifted voices. OMG!!! The first time I witnessed this 3 years ago, I was SPEECHLESS and in complete AWE at what I was witnessing. I had never seen or been a part of something so wonderful with such a large group of kids in a play. (And their parents weren't even in the room, forcing them to do this!) At that moment, I felt like it was really an honor and privilege to be volunteering in The Green Room, witnessing a moment in time that most other parents would not get to experience unless they too were a volunteer in The Green Room. I was able to see another side of these children (especially my own children) that many times goes unnoticed. I AM succeeding at raising God-filled and inspired children, and they openly share it with others - especially in song. Make my mother's heart sing with happiness! I have been hooked on The Green Room ever since!
By the time I got home (after the show, the strike and the strike party), it was about 8:45 p.m.! I was thinking I still had a couple of hours left to the day, and NOW I might have time to relax. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?! Crazy thoughts, obviously! There is no time for relaxing...Son #1, Son #2 and Daughter all still have homework to complete. And Son #3 needs a bath - bad!!!
It's 9:45 p.m., the bath is complete, but something isn't quite right. Son #3 has broken out EVERYWHERE from his face, down his back and front side, down his arms and legs and even the tops of his feet!!! WTH!!!! This is NOT good!!! Trying to stay calm, yet panicking inside, "what the hell did he eat???" He is itchy, and it all appeared at one time! Having a child with food allergies, especially to peanut and tree nut is way freakin' scary. Especially when they are little, because they don't always remember what they touched, or fully understand that before they accept food from a person, they have to ask about the ingredients. They have to say they are allergic to peanut and tree nuts. Hopefully, that is not what this is!
The tongue looks ok. His breathing is ok. He is not throwing up. He does not feel warm. He is not lethargic. No need for the epi pen, jr.! But the body does NOT look ok!!! Do I call the doctor??? At this time, I decide NO. This has happened before back when he was about 17 months old from eggs. However, it happened almost immediately after he ate them. Today was pancakes - no eggs. So what was causing this???? I suppose if it is still there tomorrow morning, we will go see the doctor. But hopefully some special lotion and Benadryl will resolve this. After 7.5 years of dealing with food allergies (which started way back when Son #2 was 18 months old and it was discovered that he was VERY allergic to Soy, Peanuts and Dairy), I thought I had this all under control. It appears a new culprit has entered my food arena and now I must go on a hunt to discover what is attacking Son #3! NEVER a dull moment when it comes to food allergies and my kiddos!!!
I finally finish taking care of Son #3, get him to bed - at 10:45 p.m.! The other three kids are also finally going to bed after finishing their homework. I am so ready to go to bed, myself! But does mom get to go to bed? Not yet!!! I still had not washed the sheets and mattress protector from this morning's little "accident". (Remember that from HOURS ago?!?!?!) So now at 11:00 p.m. I am starting laundry!!! Looks like tonight I will be sleeping in Son #3's bed. I really don't want to be awake until 1:00 a.m. waiting for sheets. (Yes, I do have another set of sheets, but I just changed them a couple of days ago and they needed to be washed, too! UUGGHH!)
While, today might not have been the "perfect" Mother's Day, I am truly thankful for being a mother! Thanks to these four incredible children! These moments and similar ones that happened today, do in fact happen EVERY DAY when you are a mother! They just seem to be heightened on a day like today, because out of 365 days during the year, you hope for at least this ONE day each year, to not be so "event-filled". LOL!!! Maybe next year.....we'll see....
But despite how my Mother's Day started this year, and continued throughout the day, it really is going to end perfectly. Knowing that all of my children are home safe with me, asleep in their beds...and me snuggling with my last baby - Son #3. Thank you God for allowing me to be the mother to these little blessings of life! It really was a "happy" Mother's Day! :-)
(I recorded the cast of CYT "Charlotte's Web" warming up with worship and praise songs before their last performance today. Their voices will make you smile!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAktqsg_1g0
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
As Seasons Change, So Must I
As I am staring out my kitchen window looking at my backyard, watching the trees swaying with the breeze and the ripples on the lake behind my house, it all seems so peaceful. Birds are chirping, the geese are squawking, and there are only a couple of white clouds in the sunny blue sky. The three older kids are at school, while Son #3 is in the basement playing with his older brother's new Wii game. The house is VERY quiet. Even the dog is sleeping in his bed in the front office.
Oh My Goodness! I just realized that in about 4 months from now, all 4 kids will be at school all day, Monday Through Friday, and it will be this quiet for several hours each day. WOW!!! I can hardly believe it! I might finally have the chance to "hear" myself think. LOL! Or the silence is going to be so deafening, and I will start talking to myself - just so I feel like I have company in the house. (Should someone notice me doing this, please SAVE me from myself, and tell me to stop! LOL!)
This season of my life, of being able to hang out at home in the afternoons with Son #3 (who is my 4th and final baby), is about to come to an end, and I am going to miss it. A new season for me is around the corner and I am feeling a bit unsure about it. I actually have pleasant visions of being able to start and complete projects - I have been waiting A LONG TIME to deal with - all in the same day, without being interrupted. However, there is a part of me feeling like I should start pursuing things I put on hold back when I started having children. And another part of me doesn't want to start thinking too far ahead about what I should do with my time in the Fall, because as soon as I do, I feel like God will laugh at me, and remind me who's in charge...He is. hahaha
As I remember back to being pregnant with Son #1 over 15 years ago, there was a song that I would play over and over again when I was driving around in my car, singing VERY loudly - alone! (So not to hurt anyone's ears. LOL!) I could not seem to get enough of this song, but especially the lyrics. It was "Seasons of Love" (with Stevie Wonder performing his amazing harmonica) from the Broadway musical RENT. The first time I heard the song, I cried!!! Maybe it was the hormones from being pregnant, but I just listened to the song again - and I started to get all choked up - still - and I am NOT pregnant. Now instead I am in peri-menopause - and STILL hormonal, I guess. LOL!!!! All hormones aside, the song's lyrics are about the "seasons" in a person's life. So even when I was just starting to have children, I knew then that I was entering a new season of my life - Motherhood. And not that Motherhood is about to end, but the "season" of having little ones, is coming to an end and I am having to move into the next season of my life with children in high school.
What's ironic, is that I really do believe that while Son #1 was in my belly, he could in fact hear me "belting" out this song several times a day for months - to him specifically. This song would have been his first introduction to Broadway theater musicals. Which has stayed with him since birth. His favorite music to listen to when he was a toddler and growing up was Broadway theater musicals - from shows like RENT, AIDA, LES MISERABLES, ANNIE, PETER PAN, OLIVER, etc., etc. (He still enjoys this music, but ALSO enjoys music from the 80's. He is definitely my son! LOL!)
Then when he was in 7th grade he auditioned for his first musical play, and the song HE chose to audition with was "SEASONS OF LOVE"!!!! I couldn't believe it! He was so nervous to rehearse it in front of me in the weeks preceding the audition, I had to wait until his audition to see him actually perform it. It took everything for me to not start crying as I watched the same child I used to sing this song to when I was pregnant with him, singing it in front of 100+ people! Life really does come full circle!!!
....In diapers, report cards
In spoke wheels, in speeding tickets
In contracts, dollars
In funerals, In births....
The video of this song:
"Seasons of Love" from RENT with Stevie Wonder
I realize that the seasons of my life I can't avoid and they are going to happen whether I am prepared for them or not. I just don't want them to happen too fast. I really do want to enjoy each season of my life as I am getting older, with friends and family whom I love, care for, and hold close to my heart. :-)
Oh My Goodness! I just realized that in about 4 months from now, all 4 kids will be at school all day, Monday Through Friday, and it will be this quiet for several hours each day. WOW!!! I can hardly believe it! I might finally have the chance to "hear" myself think. LOL! Or the silence is going to be so deafening, and I will start talking to myself - just so I feel like I have company in the house. (Should someone notice me doing this, please SAVE me from myself, and tell me to stop! LOL!)
This season of my life, of being able to hang out at home in the afternoons with Son #3 (who is my 4th and final baby), is about to come to an end, and I am going to miss it. A new season for me is around the corner and I am feeling a bit unsure about it. I actually have pleasant visions of being able to start and complete projects - I have been waiting A LONG TIME to deal with - all in the same day, without being interrupted. However, there is a part of me feeling like I should start pursuing things I put on hold back when I started having children. And another part of me doesn't want to start thinking too far ahead about what I should do with my time in the Fall, because as soon as I do, I feel like God will laugh at me, and remind me who's in charge...He is. hahaha
As I remember back to being pregnant with Son #1 over 15 years ago, there was a song that I would play over and over again when I was driving around in my car, singing VERY loudly - alone! (So not to hurt anyone's ears. LOL!) I could not seem to get enough of this song, but especially the lyrics. It was "Seasons of Love" (with Stevie Wonder performing his amazing harmonica) from the Broadway musical RENT. The first time I heard the song, I cried!!! Maybe it was the hormones from being pregnant, but I just listened to the song again - and I started to get all choked up - still - and I am NOT pregnant. Now instead I am in peri-menopause - and STILL hormonal, I guess. LOL!!!! All hormones aside, the song's lyrics are about the "seasons" in a person's life. So even when I was just starting to have children, I knew then that I was entering a new season of my life - Motherhood. And not that Motherhood is about to end, but the "season" of having little ones, is coming to an end and I am having to move into the next season of my life with children in high school.
What's ironic, is that I really do believe that while Son #1 was in my belly, he could in fact hear me "belting" out this song several times a day for months - to him specifically. This song would have been his first introduction to Broadway theater musicals. Which has stayed with him since birth. His favorite music to listen to when he was a toddler and growing up was Broadway theater musicals - from shows like RENT, AIDA, LES MISERABLES, ANNIE, PETER PAN, OLIVER, etc., etc. (He still enjoys this music, but ALSO enjoys music from the 80's. He is definitely my son! LOL!)
Then when he was in 7th grade he auditioned for his first musical play, and the song HE chose to audition with was "SEASONS OF LOVE"!!!! I couldn't believe it! He was so nervous to rehearse it in front of me in the weeks preceding the audition, I had to wait until his audition to see him actually perform it. It took everything for me to not start crying as I watched the same child I used to sing this song to when I was pregnant with him, singing it in front of 100+ people! Life really does come full circle!!!
....In diapers, report cards
In spoke wheels, in speeding tickets
In contracts, dollars
In funerals, In births....
The video of this song:
"Seasons of Love" from RENT with Stevie Wonder
I realize that the seasons of my life I can't avoid and they are going to happen whether I am prepared for them or not. I just don't want them to happen too fast. I really do want to enjoy each season of my life as I am getting older, with friends and family whom I love, care for, and hold close to my heart. :-)
Friday, May 4, 2012
It's Hard To Let Go
It's 4:30 in the morning and I am having a full-blown mommy moment! And I can't help but shed a few tears! Yeah, I logically know eventually all of our kids have to grow up and my job is to get them to adulthood, become good stewards to the life around them and help get them to heaven. I want them to treat people with kindness and good will. Show respect for others. Always be honest and tell the truth. Don't forget to say "please" and "thank you." Remember that God comes first in their life. And, that no matter what, I will ALWAYS love them.
But despite how hard I try, there are some lessons in life I can't teach them. Moments I won't be able to prepare them for. Situations that may cause them their own share of tears or heartache. I am not always going to be able to protect them, even if I want to. So my heart strings are being tugged at this early morning as I watch my Son #1 leave for his first long distance trip with his classmates - on a bus without me - to a city 5 hours away.
I realize this is just a fraction of what one of my best friends must have been feeling as she said goodbye to her son for 5 months as he headed to Washington D.C. for a Senate Page position - but I completely get it! We are so proud of our children, especially when they are excited about a new adventure in their life. But as a mom - it sucks!!! Maybe because it is our first born, being the first one to slowly leaving the nest of our home. Even in little baby steps, our heart aches, because while they are becoming young adults they are slowly needing us less and less. And as we look into their beautiful teenage eyes, we still see the little baby we rocked to sleep and held tight in our arms for hours at a time.
When Son #1 was born, I received as a gift the book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. I remember CRYING as I read the book to Son #1 - who was only about 2 months old at the time. The story is so beautiful about the relationship between a mother and son, and that no matter how old he was or how big he got, she would forever hold him, rock him, and love him forever. And then one day when she was too old to hold him and rock him - he holds her and rocks her and tells her he will love her forever. WOW!!! It felt like a snapshot of my future was flashing right before my eyes and I vowed to myself that I would not rush through my life with him, because I wanted to remember everything.
Now, more than 14 years later, it feels like his life has raced past me - and it is not slowing down. As more children were added to the family fold, and the activities became more time consuming for everyone, those quiet, special moments with Son #1 had become fewer and fewer...and I miss it!
Then I start to feel melancholy about all the mistakes I have made with him thus far. The times we have yelled and hollered at each other at heated moments when we both believed we were more right than the other person and refused to back down. The times when I was so busy trying to just get through a stressful moment, that I didn't stop long enough to listen to his feelings and thoughts, which many times were more logical than mine. The threats that have been made in hopes of a behavior change, and instead I had a child that was pulling further away from me. Losing his trust and respect towards me because of my lack of respect towards him at times.
I realize that I may be feeling more hard on myself than I should, but the intense "mommy-guilt" I feel, tends to come with the job. There is no getting around it. My strong desire to be the "perfect" mom to my kids, has unfortunately had me being the "worst" mom at times. I feel like I am constantly apologizing and asking for their forgiveness. But in the midst of these difficult times with them, I hope they are learning all the things NOT to say or do as a parent from me and are picking up a few positive things TO DO.
With 8th Grade Graduation almost here, these next couple of weeks are going to get harder, before they get easier, for me. Just yesterday, I was ordering his graduation pictures, and I started crying - remembering back to when I was ordering his birth pictures, and now I was looking at a 14 year old in a cap and gown. WHERE DID ALL MY TIME WITH HIM GO?
Children truly are a blessing and their time with us (no matter how long) is a gift from God. So despite all the tears and emotions I am feeling at this moment in time, having Son #1 for a son, does in fact make me smile - often! And I couldn't imagine my life without him! :-)
But despite how hard I try, there are some lessons in life I can't teach them. Moments I won't be able to prepare them for. Situations that may cause them their own share of tears or heartache. I am not always going to be able to protect them, even if I want to. So my heart strings are being tugged at this early morning as I watch my Son #1 leave for his first long distance trip with his classmates - on a bus without me - to a city 5 hours away.
I realize this is just a fraction of what one of my best friends must have been feeling as she said goodbye to her son for 5 months as he headed to Washington D.C. for a Senate Page position - but I completely get it! We are so proud of our children, especially when they are excited about a new adventure in their life. But as a mom - it sucks!!! Maybe because it is our first born, being the first one to slowly leaving the nest of our home. Even in little baby steps, our heart aches, because while they are becoming young adults they are slowly needing us less and less. And as we look into their beautiful teenage eyes, we still see the little baby we rocked to sleep and held tight in our arms for hours at a time.
When Son #1 was born, I received as a gift the book "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. I remember CRYING as I read the book to Son #1 - who was only about 2 months old at the time. The story is so beautiful about the relationship between a mother and son, and that no matter how old he was or how big he got, she would forever hold him, rock him, and love him forever. And then one day when she was too old to hold him and rock him - he holds her and rocks her and tells her he will love her forever. WOW!!! It felt like a snapshot of my future was flashing right before my eyes and I vowed to myself that I would not rush through my life with him, because I wanted to remember everything.
Now, more than 14 years later, it feels like his life has raced past me - and it is not slowing down. As more children were added to the family fold, and the activities became more time consuming for everyone, those quiet, special moments with Son #1 had become fewer and fewer...and I miss it!
Then I start to feel melancholy about all the mistakes I have made with him thus far. The times we have yelled and hollered at each other at heated moments when we both believed we were more right than the other person and refused to back down. The times when I was so busy trying to just get through a stressful moment, that I didn't stop long enough to listen to his feelings and thoughts, which many times were more logical than mine. The threats that have been made in hopes of a behavior change, and instead I had a child that was pulling further away from me. Losing his trust and respect towards me because of my lack of respect towards him at times.
I realize that I may be feeling more hard on myself than I should, but the intense "mommy-guilt" I feel, tends to come with the job. There is no getting around it. My strong desire to be the "perfect" mom to my kids, has unfortunately had me being the "worst" mom at times. I feel like I am constantly apologizing and asking for their forgiveness. But in the midst of these difficult times with them, I hope they are learning all the things NOT to say or do as a parent from me and are picking up a few positive things TO DO.
With 8th Grade Graduation almost here, these next couple of weeks are going to get harder, before they get easier, for me. Just yesterday, I was ordering his graduation pictures, and I started crying - remembering back to when I was ordering his birth pictures, and now I was looking at a 14 year old in a cap and gown. WHERE DID ALL MY TIME WITH HIM GO?
Children truly are a blessing and their time with us (no matter how long) is a gift from God. So despite all the tears and emotions I am feeling at this moment in time, having Son #1 for a son, does in fact make me smile - often! And I couldn't imagine my life without him! :-)
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Feelings And My Blog
Sharing one's thoughts and feelings in a blog is not always easy. You are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to not only positive comments and feedback, but also critique and criticism from those reading it. Sometimes what is expressed in a post can be misunderstood or misinterpreted by others, which can lead to feelings of discouragement and disappointment for the writer. But this can also happen when you speak to another person directly - what is really meant, and the feelings that are trying to be conveyed can be lost in the translation from one person to the other.
I originally viewed my blog as a safe place for my feelings and thoughts to be shared. But I am not so sure lately. The key word is "my"... not someone else. My feelings are based on my perception, my memories, and how I am personally affected by situations and experiences in my life. My sharing in no way means that someone else's feelings or memories from the same situation are any less valid than mine - they are just different, and that is ok. I have always thought feelings and memories were neither right or wrong - they just existed and each person was free to feel what they feel. Feelings are usually not something that can be controlled - they just live within us.
Feelings can motivate us, inspire us, and bring us back to life. At other times feelings can weigh us down, slow us down, and maybe even bring us to a complete stop. Sometimes we might try to ignore the feelings we feel and act like they aren't really there and don't exist...but eventually they come out in other ways in our life.
Just because I choose to share my feelings and thoughts, it does not mean there is some hidden message in my posts, or there is something "going on" or "wrong" that there was a deep rooted need for me to write about it. Most times, it is just my family and friends and their lives that will inspire me to really "think" and write a post. Are there some things in life which anger and frustrate me? Well, SURE! As I am sure most people also have things in their life that anger and frustrate them. Not everything in everyone's life is sunny and rosy 24/7. At those times, I may feel compelled to write about those situations, too.
Writing makes me smile. Writing is an experience that feels raw and real. It takes me to another place. My mind enters a "zone" - I can't quite explain it. The things I want to express will hit me sometimes at the least expected moments and in the strangest of places. At those times, I will put it on my iPhone in my notes app - until I get home to my computer.
There have been times when I'm writing, and some old feelings or memories will resurface that had been forgotten. It is somewhat of an awakening moment for me and I will feel drawn to write about that experience. In writing about it, I am then sharing another side of me which perhaps many people do not know about me. But in sharing that side of me...it does not mean something negative is happening to me. There is no cause for alarm! The writing of my blog has actually been a positive outlet for me, helping to keep all of my current life's happenings in a healthy perspective.
And that's just how I FEEL about it! :-)
I originally viewed my blog as a safe place for my feelings and thoughts to be shared. But I am not so sure lately. The key word is "my"... not someone else. My feelings are based on my perception, my memories, and how I am personally affected by situations and experiences in my life. My sharing in no way means that someone else's feelings or memories from the same situation are any less valid than mine - they are just different, and that is ok. I have always thought feelings and memories were neither right or wrong - they just existed and each person was free to feel what they feel. Feelings are usually not something that can be controlled - they just live within us.
Feelings can motivate us, inspire us, and bring us back to life. At other times feelings can weigh us down, slow us down, and maybe even bring us to a complete stop. Sometimes we might try to ignore the feelings we feel and act like they aren't really there and don't exist...but eventually they come out in other ways in our life.
Just because I choose to share my feelings and thoughts, it does not mean there is some hidden message in my posts, or there is something "going on" or "wrong" that there was a deep rooted need for me to write about it. Most times, it is just my family and friends and their lives that will inspire me to really "think" and write a post. Are there some things in life which anger and frustrate me? Well, SURE! As I am sure most people also have things in their life that anger and frustrate them. Not everything in everyone's life is sunny and rosy 24/7. At those times, I may feel compelled to write about those situations, too.
Writing makes me smile. Writing is an experience that feels raw and real. It takes me to another place. My mind enters a "zone" - I can't quite explain it. The things I want to express will hit me sometimes at the least expected moments and in the strangest of places. At those times, I will put it on my iPhone in my notes app - until I get home to my computer.
There have been times when I'm writing, and some old feelings or memories will resurface that had been forgotten. It is somewhat of an awakening moment for me and I will feel drawn to write about that experience. In writing about it, I am then sharing another side of me which perhaps many people do not know about me. But in sharing that side of me...it does not mean something negative is happening to me. There is no cause for alarm! The writing of my blog has actually been a positive outlet for me, helping to keep all of my current life's happenings in a healthy perspective.
And that's just how I FEEL about it! :-)
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