Where has the last 18+ years gone? I can remember like it was yesterday, the birth of Son #1. I remember being pregnant with him and watching a television show called "What Every Baby Knows" that was hosted by Dr. Brazelton (most people may not remember who he is) about birthing and babies and I was always CRYING when I watched his show. I had so many fears. However, I think it was because no matter how many books I read, shows I watched and classes I took, I still didn't feel prepared enough for that new chapter in my life. Birthing a baby and then becoming a parent!
I wanted to be the best mom possible. I wasn't sure how to do that, but I was determined to figure it out. He would be my world - my new focus. I would meet all his needs. I would hold him and love him - and not let him cry it out. I would nurse him for as long as he wanted (which was until he was 20 months old). I would make his baby food from scratch and make sure he ate healthy food. I would sing to him, dance with him, read to him and teach him all I knew about God and the Catholic Church. I would comfort him when he cried. I would rock him to sleep, if that was what he needed. I would grow in the area of patience, understanding, and trust. I would love him unconditionally.
Over the years, he has definitely tested my love. The times when it was most hard to love him, he needed my love the most! And with faith and belief, that he was more than his behavior reflected, I loved him through it. And I continue to love him. And always will.
There have been moments during the last 18 years when I felt like I "failed" as a mother (in my eyes), and I wanted a "do-over" with my child. But then an "angel" would appear in my life at just the right time to remind me that "no one is perfect - just love yourself and him through it" and things would feel better.
I am a better mother to my other children because of him. Life with him still has it challenges and struggles, but God continues to teach me Mercy, Grace and Forgiveness through him.
The chapter of motherhood never really ends; the look of it just changes. And considering my youngest, Child #4 is only in 3rd grade, I am far from over with the early part of that chapter of my life. I am currently having to straddle the fence of having children in grade school and children getting ready for college, and living two different chapters of life can at times be overwhelming and exhausting. But it is worth it. Because this is where God calls me to be. With all of its challenges and frustrations, amazing and incredible moments - I am a mother, through and through. This was one of my callings in this life on earth. And I thank God every day for being responsible for the lives of other human beings.
The Blessed Virgin Mary lived through the joys and sufferings of her son Jesus - I have so much to learn from her when I am experiencing both joys and sufferings with my own children. What a beautiful example of motherhood she is for us mothers!
As Son #1 begins a new chapter in his life, I pray that he always has God at the center of his life, as He is at mine. I pray that God will be his navigator. And I hope he knows that with love comes sacrifices - but he has always been worth it! I LOVE YOU SON #1! CONGRATULATIONS!
