CHANGE, CHANGE And More CHANGE

"CHANGE, CHANGE and more CHANGE." That is the theme for my whole life. As far back as I can remember (about 4 years old, living in Holbrook, NY), "big" changes seemed to be a constant in my life. Most people (unless their parents are in the military) will attend one elementary school, one middle school (or junior high school) and one high school. Or if they attended a private school, it may have been one school for Kindergarten through 8th grade and then one high school for 9th through 12th grade.

Not me! I did not have the pleasure of that experience. Far from it. I attended 3 different public elementary schools from Kindergarten through 3rd grade, 2 different private schools from 4th grade through 8th grade, and 3 different high schools for 9th through 12th grade. No, I was NOT a problem child, getting kicked out of schools. LOL! And neither one of my parents were in the military - even though it sure seemed like it with the constant moving. We made 4 major moves - cross country, almost coast to coast - during the 13 years of schooling. These moves were not job-related for my parents. I just believe they had "roaming" souls (after living in the New York City area while they were growing up), and they thrived on CHANGE every few years.

I realized a few days ago, while listening to my mom share her story with a friend of mine, about the "calling" she says she received from GOD for us to move to Idaho during my 6th grade year, my memories of why we moved and what I experienced were much different than hers. Even all these years later, it still makes me uncomfortable to hear her tell her story about that CHANGE in our lives, because while I believe she has "fond" memories of our move from Florida to Idaho, my memories of those first few years in Idaho were NOT so "fond." They are actually awkward, sad, frustrating and disappointing.

Don't get me wrong...not all of the CHANGES in my life have been bad, negative or uncomfortable. I would say that most of them have actually been wonderful, life changing and have definitely helped me grow and become the person I am today. I have had the pleasure of experiencing cultural diversity every time we moved to a new state and I attended a new school. However, sometimes I was the culturally diverse one among my peers and with that came pain and unhappy moments. But even in those moments, I was growing as a person (even when it didn't seem like it at the time). CHANGE was occurring within me.

CHANGE can cause all kinds of feelings - both positive and negative.
CHANGE can be spiritual, physical, emotional, or mental.
CHANGE can be loved by some people and they really embrace it, while others really struggle with it and possibly even hate it.
CHANGE can be an opportunity for growth. It can be the start of a new chapter in someone's life.
CHANGE might help someone "fly," yet for someone else it could cause them to "crash."
CHANGE can bring out the best in some people, while for others it could bring out the worst.

CHANGE may require the encouragement of another person, in order to take that leap of faith.
CHANGE might force someone to make a "new plan" with their life, that they weren't expecting to do.
CHANGE may need to happen because of the death of a loved one.
CHANGE is not always easy or simple and can be scary.
CHANGE can be complicated, confusing and messy.
CHANGE may require sacrifice.
CHANGE can sometimes take months or years to complete the CHANGE...but in the end it is worth it.
CHANGE happens in all areas of life - health, job, marriages, friendships, living arrangements, etc., etc.
CHANGE can improve one's life and their outlook on life.
CHANGE can be a good thing, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

Why are so many people afraid of CHANGE? They will fight the CHANGE, and the fight they are having with the CHANGE will take more energy from them as a person, than the CHANGE itself. Perhaps it is fear of the unknown, not having complete "control" over the possible outcome from the CHANGE. But that is where having Faith and Trust in God becomes important when trying to accept CHANGE. "LET GO. LET GOD."

Sometimes a relationship or friendship with another person can cause CHANGE within ourselves, because they inspire us and give us strength.

One of my favorite songs about CHANGE due to a friendship is from the Broadway musical "WICKED" called "For Good."

......So much of me

Is made from what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a sky bird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good.....

While I realize that CHANGE is inevitable and is going to happen whether I like it or not. How I handle it and what I do with the CHANGE is what will affect me and my life on so many levels. Being aware of this and embracing it (even when I don't want to), will continue to help me grow in a positive way. Accepting the need for CHANGE once in a while, will allow me to be a much happier person towards those around me.

CHANGE may not always be accepted with open, accepting arms and support by others. But that is OK. Surrounding one's self with those that will accept and support you during those times, is the best way to get through a life moment of CHANGE. For those friends of mine that are going through MAJOR CHANGES right now - be it divorce, kids graduating, job changes, parents passing away, friendships ending, marital problems, moving, etc. - you will come out the other side from all these CHANGES a stronger, wiser person. Perhaps even one of these CHANGES will open your eyes to other CHANGES needing to be made in your life right now or in the near future.

"Something has changed within me, Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules, Of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing. Too late to go back to sleep It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes and leap!" (WICKED - "Defying Gravity")

Regarding myself, I won't be afraid - I will continue to face the CHANGES in my life, no matter what they are, and I will survive! We ALL have CHANGES to deal with at some point in our lives. Some more so than others. But despite the circumstances, those that are our "true" friends will still stay by our side and be there for us through these CHANGES.  :-)

(Song "For Good" on YouTube)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Today turned into a day of heavy thinking (which could have lead to some heavy drinking - LOL!).    I had thoughts swirling around my head (too bad it wasn't wine swirling around a glass), regarding why people feel the need to gossip about other people or situations.  Why do they feel compelled to share information with others that is not all factual, and especially when they don't have all the facts to begin with.  And more importantly, why do I get so fired up about all this?

As the thoughts continued to build in my mind and I could feel the frustration rising within me this evening, "A God Moment" occurred - on the speakers in the restaurant I was sitting at, a song by Pat Benatar - "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" starts playing! AAHHHH - the theme for what I am feeling and want to write about.  Thank you God!  :-)

Hit me with your best shot
Why don't you hit me with your best shot?
Hit me with your best shot
Fire away

You come on with a come on, you don't fight fair
But that's okay, see if I care
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back up on my feet again

That is EXACTLY how I am feeling!  People are hitting me with their best shot, with the things they say and the words they use, and it may be knocking me down, but I need to just get back up and move on.

Words have such power.  They can inspire someone to smile, or cause someone to cry.  They can lift a spirit or crush a soul.  They can create a fantasy or cause a nightmare.  They can make a heart go a-flutter and send tingles through one's body, or create feelings of rejection, sadness and disappointment.  But no matter what is said and how the words are used....they have power.

GOSSIP: casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are NOT confirmed as being true.  A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.

I believe the reason people gossip about other people is because they are insecure about their own lives. And if they can talk about someone else's problems or issues, or put that other person in a negative light, then it will appear that they have it all together and their life is just "perfect" - and the other person is a mess.  It's as if certain people feel the need to lift themselves up at the expense of knocking someone else down.  Make me crazy!!!

Then what becomes even worse, is that the children will hear their parents gossiping, and they go to school and gossip about what they heard their parents gossiping about.  It's a never ending cycle.  Gossiping is a learned behavior.   And it is one that can be changed and needs to be changed.

Gossiping people tend to be drawn to other gossiping people.  But the irony is that most people within the gossiping circle, will then gossip about each other - and try to hide it.

I have also learned that people who come to me and want to gossip about someone else to me, will then turn around and gossip about me to the person they came to me to gossip about.   I now know to steer clear of these kinds of people.

There are many verses in the bible that address the subject of gossiping and how destructive and careless talk can be.  Many of those verses come from one of my favorite books in the bible - Proverbs.

A gossip betrays a confidence (Proverbs 11:13) 

So avoid a man who talks too much (Proverbs 20:19)
A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don't hang around with chatterers.

A gossip separates close friends (Proverbs 16:28)
A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

Without gossip a quarrel dies down (Proverbs 26:20)
Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity (Proverbs 21:23)


Perhaps, that is why I have such a small circle of close friends (as was mentioned in a previous post).  I do not find pleasure in bringing others down in order to lift myself up.  That is not what God has called me to do with my precious time on this earth.  Those that gossip need to get a life - their own life - and stay out of other people's lives - especially mine!  :-)

Lessons My 1st College Roommate Taught Me

When I was 17 years old and starting college, I had my first roommate.  We had been friends since we were in 10th grade and only lived about 5 minutes from each other.  When we found out we were both going to the same college, we agreed to be roommates.  You would have thought we were moving hundreds of miles away with all the planning we did - but actually our college was in the same city and only about 20 minutes or so from our homes - Boise State University. We were going to live in the co-ed dorm called "The Towers" on the 6th floor - and couldn't wait!

Sure, we could have commuted to college and lived at home, but what kind of "real" college experience would that have been?  All the things we would have missed out on!  LOL!  Even though we did not live that far from our parents, (who could have popped in on us at any given time), we sure acted like we lived across the country.  Between the late night parties at our dorm and the other dorms and fraternities on campus, skipping a class or two from time to time because it would interfere with a "happy hour" we wanted to attend, and the overnight guests no one was supposed to know about....college life was AWESOME!!!

There was NEVER a dull moment with us being roommates.  In the dorm we were living at, each room was split in half with two people residing on each side of the room - for a total of four people sharing the bathroom and shower area.  Our dorm rooms felt very apartment-like, which was pretty cool.   The rooms in the other dorms on campus, all shared one large community bathroom/shower area - no privacy.  (No Thank You.  Not My Thing!  LOL!!!)

Even though we had two other girls sharing the room with us, often we would act like we were the only ones living there.  We would play our music very loud, and basically put on concerts on our side of the room, singing and dancing to classics from Pat Benatar and Heart.   She liked to sing and dance on her bed with her hair brush as her microphone, like she was Ann Wilson, the lead singer from Heart.  And I would dance around on the floor and play an air guitar like Nancy Wilson.  Oh Yeah!  We were hot!!!  (So we thought - LOL!!!)

As roommates, there were many lessons we learned from each other - and taught each other.  The following are the ones I remember best:

Lesson #1 - Leave the Bathroom clean and picked up - especially the hair on the floor - when you are done using it.

Lesson #2 - Never eat your roommates food - without asking first - unless other arrangements have been agreed to.  This also includes drinking your roommate's alcohol beverages.

Lesson #3 - Don't bring "male guests" back to the room late at night to keep partying when the roommate is asleep and has an early morning class.

Lesson #4 - It is perfectly OK to walk around our room in your underwear - unless there is a "male guest" in the room.

Lesson #5 - We have each other's back, when an unexpected parent shows up for a visit.

Lesson #6 - If a roommate has a cute, sexy outfit, she gets to wear it FIRST before anyone else gets to borrow it.

Lesson #7 - If a roommate drinks too much and feels like they are going to be sick - they need to take it to the toilet - not on the carpet in the space you sleep in.

Lesson #8 - When a roommate has a "male guest" visiting and they are taking care of business, the other roommate needs to find somewhere else to sleep.

Lesson #9 - Roommates are not allowed to tell "male guests" about other "male guests" that have visited their roommate.

Lesson #10 - Don't ever forget the lessons your roommate taught you.  These lessons may help you with future roommates.

Several months ago, I learned that she was the lead singer to a rock band called "Welcome to Concrete", based in Los Angeles, with punk, grunge and heavy metal influences. WOW!  My first college roommate is living her dream - her vision - from when we were roommates!  I couldn't believe it!!  Actually, I could believe it - she always believed she would be a performer some day - and now is that day!  I am so proud of her!!!

I had not seen pictures of her since we were in college, and upon seeing her recently, she looked GREAT!   Exactly like the total rocker-chick she used to imagine herself being when we were in college.  Her look reminds me of Pat Benatar - which is NOT a bad look!  She still appears the way I remembered her as my roommate 27 years ago - wild, sexy, crazy, mysterious, eccentric, and fun-loving!  When I think back to the memories from our freshman year, it is no surprise that we had such a good time as roommates!  And thanks (again) to Facebook, we have reconnected!  Yeah!!!  This summer her band will be traveling and touring.  I really hope they make their way to my city to perform.  She and I are WAY overdue to make some new memories together!  I can't wait!!!!  :-)

Me, Myself And I

I LOVE time by myself!  I will go to a movie by myself.  I will go out to dinner by myself.  I will even go have a drink - by myself.   And perhaps I love it even more as I am getting older, because of the constant "sounds" in my life.  I am almost always around at least one child of mine.  And with all of my volunteer commitments, even my paid commitments, there is VERY little time for myself.  Even my praying time is difficult to have, by myself!

What I am realizing now even more so, is that I have always been this way.  I still LOVE to dance.  I am more than happy to hit the dance floor by myself and let it all go!  When I was a senior in high school, I remember being at a "sock hop" dance (no-date-needed kind of dance), and I was dancing by myself (because none of the guys had the courage to dance with me or could keep up with me - so I was told - LOL!) and the vice principle pulled me out of the dance to "talk to me" because he wanted to know what I had taken or if I had been drinking because I was acting "high".  I actually just laughed at him and told him I wasn't drunk or high - I was just having FUN!!! I guess having too much fun was inappropriate behavior. (Sound like a scene from the movie "Footloose"?? LOL!)

Even in college, if the girls in my sorority weren't in the mood to go out, I still went.  Figured I would eventually see someone I knew while I was out...which was usually the case.   I'm not sure if it was my internal need to make sure that I was confident with who I was, and didn't need another person to define me.  So many friends I have known over the years, won't go anywhere - without another person.  And in many cases, without a guy! Seriously?!?!  If for some reason there was a time when I wasn't with a guy, would I become a hermit and have no life, or could I survive?  HELL YES, I COULD SURVIVE!!!  And I would be perfectly fine spending time with myself.

Not to say, that time with a guy is not enjoyed or appreciated!  Quite the contrary.  However, being able to "hear" your thoughts, and "feel" your feelings without the presence of another person, can be awesome, too.  Perhaps because I am a mother of four, these "quiet" moments are so far and few between.   If I wait until they are all grown up and out of the house before I start to have these "quiet" moments, I will be almost 60 year old!  EEE GADS!!!  I need some "quiet" LONG before then!!!  LOL!!

So I shall continue to have my time with myself, be it at a movie, a restaurant or a bar, as often as I can.  For those few moments alone with myself, will be what keeps me sane with my family and friends, as I am getting older.  :-)

Age Is Just A Number!

During the past few days, a couple of my very dear friends had birthdays and turned the magic number of "45!"  And it got me thinking about when I was a kid and my parents were turning "45" - I was already in my mid-20's,  and they seemed so "old" to me!  As if they would be dying some time in the near future.  Well, thank God, they are still alive and kicking in their 60's...but now "45" seems so young!  Maybe, because I will turn that magic number in a few months, myself.

Many of us didn't start our families until we were 30 or older.  And we kept having kids until we were almost 40 or older.  I would hate to think that I am close to dying...based on how I viewed my parents when they were this same age.  LOL!

Over the years, I have heard people say, that the age you are is just a number, and I would think that sounded "so cliche" - but truth is...it really is...just a number.  And sometimes that number catches up on us, depending on how well we are taking care of ourselves.  Are we controlling our age...or is our age controlling us?

One of my best friends that had her birthday this week, had been experiencing all kinds of health issues during her late 30's and into her early 40's.  Then about two years ago - she started taking control.  She lost OVER 100 pounds!  She doesn't even look like the same person I had known for over 14 years.   Now she does Yoga and teaches Zumba!  And we can share each other's clothes, if we want to.  I am so proud of her!  And she DOES NOT look "45" at all!!!   

Is that because what I perceive as "45", is much younger looking than what I thought it was when my parents were "45"?  Most definitely!  

Fortunate for some people, they are blessed with the genes of youthful looks.   But even with this blessing, if people abuse themselves, they can appear older than they really are.  I am of Spanish, Italian and French descent.  Those with these European genes, do tend to age slower and hold onto their youthful looks a little bit longer...unless we bake in the sun, eat all kinds of crap, get fat and let ourselves go, and never work out or do anything physical to stay fit.  LOL!!!  

When I was growing up, I HATED (again, I say the word, HATED) that I NEVER looked as old as my friends.  I looked like a "kid" in comparison to my teenage friends.   I was not very tall, and then with a face of tween when I was a Senior in high school....I hated it!  I would go out with friends in college and while the guys were all hitting on my friends, I was perceived as the "little sister"and no one would give me a second look!  Seriously!!!   

It wasn't until I was in my 40's (mid-life) that this whole "young" thing started working in my favor.  That's a hell of a long time to wait for a benefit like this!!!   But since I am only at the "mid-point" in my life, I still have a lot of life left to live, to collect on this benefit.

   

Age is not just about the number, and how you look, or how you feel.  It is also about your attitude.  If you act confident, you tend to feel confident.  If you dress sexy, you tend to feel sexy.  And if you act young, you tend to look young.  It's ALL about the Attitude.  "Attitude is a choice.  So pick a good one!"

And the age a person is, is just a number!  What age does your mind think like?  What age does your body look like?  What age does your personality act like?  Mine is definitely no where near "45" - at least this year.  :-)

Too Much JUNK!

As I was lying in bed this morning, I could hear my iPhone continuing to beep and vibrate. These sounds meant emails were arriving. After 15 minutes of listening to this, I figured I might as well check out what I was already receiving this early in the morning. Well, it was ALL JUNK...about 15 junk emails. Over the course of a day I will on average receive around 50-75 of these kinds of emails! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?! How did I get caught in the hell of receiving so many junk emails????

Truth be known, I am most likely responsible for creating this demon in my life. Whenever I have been at a store shopping and upon paying for my purchase, 9 out of 10 times the cashier will ask for an email address so they can send me coupons and special offers. Well, who doesn't want to save money? Or get something for free?

I should have known better...VERY FEW things in life are REALLY FREE! And while I am trying to save a couple of dollars, the stress from so many "junk" emails - is actually costing me my sanity! LOL!!!

Let me not forget the newsletters I have signed up for at websites related to health, nutrition, wellness, and personal interest. Good golly!!!! When do I really have the time to read this stuff??? Oh yeah - around midnight!!!! When I should really be going to sleep. I think I need to find a newsletter that can address this problem, perhaps! LOL!!!!

Up until the last 10 years or so, before the world was being controlled by the internet (hahaha), my postal mailbox would be stuffed with paper "junk" mail. And it would frustrate me, having to waste my time going through every single piece of "junk" mail, because the postman had an amazing ability to mix the "real" mail in between the "junk" mail. You would think with the internet in full swing, the "junk" postal mail would be slowing down. HELL NO! It is still keeping a strong hold on that outlet, and it doesn't appear to be decreasing anytime soon!

So, what's a person to do, because the "junk" in my life doesn't stop there. (Oh, how I wish it did!) I have "junk" in the way of clothes that don't fit and I don't wear, magazines from past months and years (why am I saving this stuff...do I really believe I am going to need these again at some point in my life....NOT!!!!), plastic containers I am saving to use for....I don't even remember, toys the kids are done playing with - but I AM not ready to part with, etc., etc. Get the picture???? My list could go on and on...but I might start losing my sanity, again. LOL!!!!

I could really use the services of professional organizer Peter Walsh - who has a show called "Extreme Clutter" - and uses the phrase "Enough Already!" all the time. Well, Peter, that is exactly how I am feeling - ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

All that I call "junk" is also CLUTTER in my life, my mind and my heart. It is truly draining and sucking a lot of positive energy out of me and even my family....and I need it to STOP!!!

How will I stop this??? For starters, I need to go into my email accounts and UNSUBSCRIBE from EVERYTHING that I consider to be junk! This will be no small task...could take days, maybe weeks to sift through the THOUSANDS of emails in 4 different email accounts. (Did I just say 4?? Why do I even have 4???? Sounds like I may need to unsubscribe from one of those, too! LOL!!!) And I can't forget the clutter on Facebook...people I have friended that I am not even friends with...time to look over that list and clean it up, too. LOL!

Not sure about the postal "junk" mail - how does one stop that??? At least if I can stop the "junk" emails, that will be one less item of "junk" that is sucking my time away from other things I should be reading and looking at. I will just have to use the postal "junk" mail for use in the fireplace or put in the recycle bin. (Perhaps that is the REAL reason recycling was started...the recycling businesses are in collaboration with the postal "junk" mail businesses...it's a conspiracy! LOL!!!!)

Then I probably need to make a list of all that I feel is "junk" and "clutter" in my home and life. This list will become my guide, focus and direction - call it a map. As I conquer one item at a time on the list, I will mark it off and visually see that I AM making success...even if it takes me ALL year! I WILL CONQUER THE JUNK AND CLUTTER!!!

In the words of Peter Walsh: "IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!" And he is so right! The "junk" really is all too much! AND I NEED IT TO STOP NOW!!! :-)

Under Pressure

The title for this post, seemed to keep ringing in my mind yesterday. Between the scare of two young girls missing for the last few days, a couple of close friends being on the brink of ending their marriages, and another friend who's health is not good because of the stress from their job and is in the process of losing their job...they are probably feeling overwhelmed - they may be feeling "under pressure" with all that is coming at them from all directions of life right now.

When I was driving home last night, the song "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Queen actually came on the radio. As I listened to the lyrics, I found myself smiling at first and then tears started to form in my eyes thinking of all those people I know right now....UNDER PRESSURE!

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - gets me higher
Pressure on people - people on streets

She been around
Kicked my brains round the floor
These are the days it never rains but it pours

People on streets
People on streets
It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out
Pray tomorrow - high higher

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
Why - Ooooh

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love
Give love give love give love give love
Give love give love give love

Love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves

Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

Even though this song is from the '80's, the music and lyrics are timeless. The video on You Tube is pretty powerful, too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtrEN-YKLBM

Being "under too much pressure" can cause people to make choices they might not otherwise, and can sometimes hurt themselves and/or others around them. Knowing this from personal experience, I believe in the power of prayer, the power of our Lord, and the power of friendship. With these three things wrapped snuggly like a blanket around a person, the "pressure" feeling can sometimes not feel so heavy. And clarity in a very "pressure-filled" situation can be possible.

How many more people around me are probably under pressure, too, and I don't even know it. Our lives can get so busy, and the time we share with others, can become very limited. But what if everyday, I reached out to at least one friend? I called them, or sent them a quick email or text, letting them know I was thinking of them. Thanking them for being my friend. Asking them how they were doing...and then giving them my ear if they DO need a friend and need to talk. Without realizing it, my little effort could be what keeps someone from doing something "radical" or "impulsive" because they are "under so much pressure" and felt like they had no one to turn to.

"Dear Lord, please lift up and carry all those people I know 'Under Pressure" (and those I don't know that are "under pressure"), and help lighten their loads. Wrap your loving arms around them and their families during this difficult time in their lives. Please help release the "pressure" they are feeling, so they can shine again in your Glory. Amen."

A Life Lesson From My 5 Year Old (and Justin Bieber!)

Being at the "middle" point in my life has opened my eyes to so many things. Some moments have been awesome and incredible, while other moments - not so much! I could sugar-coat my life and say that "it's just great" and "I'm doing fine". But the truth is (if we were all honest) - some days, being an adult really sucks! It can be hard, overwhelming, confusing, exhausting and down right frustrating! And no matter how hard we try, we just can't seem to get it right with either our kids, spouse or even a friend. But today, I was reminded by my adorable Son #3 that sometimes you just have to do what makes you smile, and not worry about what others think or say. And when you fall down, just get right back up. Smile, and start all over again.

For the last year I have shared on Facebook and with family and friends the funny "Justin Bieber" moments my Son #3 has blessed me with. Well, this morning was the BEST! I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day - finishing my hair and make-up - when he hears my iPod playing "my" music in the bathroom with me (which included Nicki Minaj "Starships" and Flo-Rida "Wild One", just to name a couple of songs). He enters asking if I would change "my" music and put on "HIS" music - "Mommy, I NEED you to put on Justin Bieber's "Eenie Meenie" song for me. PLEEEAAASSSEEE!" And then proceeds to make a big smile on his face, while hugging my leg. What a cheeze ball! LOL! "Eenie Meenie" is his FAVORITE song, which he repeatedly reminds me of, with "Baby" and "One Time" running close seconds.

I oblige to his request, hoping to be entertained by him. Well, he did not disappoint! The song "Eenie Meenie" is getting ready to start, but he has walked out of my bathroom and closed the doors behind him. I am feeling a bit confused, because I was enjoying "my" music before he asked me to change it, and now he has left the bathroom with "his" music getting ready to start. Huummmm. Where did he go??

It turns out, he had not actually left. He was standing behind the closed doors, waiting to make his grand entrance! OMG!!! Right as the song is starting, the double doors come flying open - slam into the wall - and Son #3 comes sliding in onto the tile floor in his socks (Tom Cruise - "Risky Business" mean anything???? LOL!!!!). And even better, he has a green fleece jacket on that has a hood, and he has it pulled up over his head, when he entered - trying to look like Justin in videos where he is wearing his jacket with the hood up! I had to look away and laugh, because his innocence and confidence would have been crushed had he seen me laughing.

Then after the "Risky Business" entrance, he begins to do his version of hip-hop and break dancing. Arms are moving right and left - back and forth out his front. He spins and drops to the floor. Jumps back up and starts kicking his legs out to his sides, and then starts bending his knees and is bobbing/bouncing up and down. He is then lunging his body to the ground - bamm! He spins around on his bottom and jumps back up and falls to the floor, again! He is in FULL dance mode. And he continues to throw his body onto the floor (which I remind you is a hard, tile floor) - and is SINGING through all of this! Get the visual?!?!?!?

And as long as I am not caught by him that I am watching him, he continues with his performance - completely uninhibited! Ooops - oh no - he catches me watching him - he freezes - turns away and asks me to stop watching. LOL! So I turn back around and and try to sneak my peeking from the mirror. When he believes I am no longer watching, he is back in FULL mode singing and dancing! I am LOVING this moment! Oh, how I wished I had had a video camera to have captured this! (Great material for a wedding rehearsal dinner. LOL!!!)

Then all of a sudden - it happened. There is a WAILING sound coming out of the mouth of Son #3. I quickly turn around to find him with his face in his hands, crying. I ask him - "what happened, honey?" Through his tears, he says, "As I was dancing and jumped to the floor, my face hit the floor! I missed my step, mommy!" Oh - poor child. Within seconds the bruise and swelling started right under his right eye. And the crying continued.

I asked him if he wanted me to get him an ice pack. He says "no" - still crying. I then ask him, "is there anything mommy can do to help you feel better?" And his reply is: "Actually mommy, there is. Can you put on Justin's "Baby" song for me? That would help me feel better." I tell him, "SUUURRREEE!" as I start laughing again, at his cuteness! I can't believe that all it takes to make this child of mine feel better is a Justin Bieber song. Son #3 is too much!!!! LOL!!!

Wouldn't be great if all it took to make ALL things better in life - was only a Justin Bieber song. The money I would save on therapy!!!

So, the song begins and all was right in Son #3's world, again! He jumped back up, started smiling, and then started the break dancing and singing all over again. Once that song is over, he proceeds to select the "Baby" video to watch on my iPhone - because he tells me "he needs to watch it to learn some new dance moves." Isn't it great to be 5 years old and have no fear or hesitation to keep trying. Even when he fell down and got hurt, he bounced right back up and started over - with a little help from Justin Bieber. LOL!!

While I witnessed this moment in time with my son, many thoughts were flashing through my mind, as I was smiling and admiring his determination to continue on with his dancing and singing. Even with a swollen face! LOL! He didn't give up and walk away defeated.

How often do I live my life that way? When I get knocked down by something someone says to me, that hurts my feelings, or a situation that doesn't go my way, do I feel defeated and call it a day? Or do I stand back up again, brush myself off, and start over with a new attitude? It seems that during some of the funniest moments with my kids, God will give me a life lesson. And today's life lesson came with the help of Justin Bieber - of all people! Seriously!!! Thanks, God and Son #3! LOL!!!! :-)

This Is Not A Dress Rehearsal!

Since our lives are not a dress rehearsal, are we honestly living our lives to their fullest? Are we recognizing the things that make us happy...the things that we REALLY LOVE?

I admit it....I am a closet writer! Not many people probably knew this before now, but I LOVE to write! And since I LOVE to talk - and that's no big secret to those that REALLY know me - writing just feels like I am having constant conversations on paper. I LOVE people that are witty and LOVE to laugh and I LOVE those that like to make me laugh! I LOVE people that get my humor! My son #1 is a person that has the witty humor, funny timing thing figured out. He and I can get going on "Things That Make You Go Hummmm" and my sides will hurt when I am done laughing with him. I have really good friends that will cause the same effect on me because of their innuendos and inside jokes we will share. I LOVE when I have those kinds of conversations. My face muscles get a wonderful workout. It feels like food for my soul. I LOVE that feeling!

I LOVE listening to music, but for some reason it feels even more intense when I've been drinking. The music FEELS more alive, and I need it LOUD so I can physically feel it. It is the craziest thing. I have now begun to understand what artists mean when they say they feel they do their best work, or write their best songs when they are under the influence. Probably, because when someone is under the influence, all inhibitions seem to disappear. All those feelings and thoughts one might keep buried, seem to come to the surface with no hesitation. Things a person might not normally say, seem to come flowing out of them like water. And that can be an INCREDIBLE feeling!

I LOVE songs that no matter where I am or what I am doing...I will start dancing in my place, because the song has that kind of beat. I LOVE how that will then cause me to have the biggest smile as I realize how happy that song is making me feel. Actually, as I am typing this post, I am sitting alone on my bed, with my headphones on and I am JAMMING to a song that has a kick-ass beat and I am smiling ear to ear listening to it, as I am bobbing my head from side to side, and rocking and shaking my upper body back and forth! I am doing Zumba on my bed! This is the BEST! And NO I am NOT crazy or having a mid-life crisis moment!!!!! LOL!!!

Recently, I discovered the soundtrack to the Broadway theater production of "Avenue Q" and one of the songs on the soundtrack made me laugh SO HARD. The song is called..."What Do You Do With A BA In English/It Sucks To Be Me." It is a really funny song! And the video of the cast performing it is HILARIOUS!!! I found it on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qG6TZieXgA8

And when I was having a really crappy day a few days ago, the lyrics made me actually feel better...because I could recall a good friend actually complaining to me and telling me about how her life sucked right now - and she thought her life was more sucky in comparison to how sucky I thought my life was. It was the best, perfect, no-cost therapy for me (and her). Hahahaha! I LOVE those kinds of moments.

I LOVE watching people at dance clubs that are AWESOME dancers. Their energy is contagious and it will inspire me. I will pay close attention to their moves, because at some point I will approach them to start dancing with them and I want to make sure I can keep up with them. (I also admit, on my bucket list I have the item that someday I want to be part of a music video dancing! Yes, I just admitted that! LOL!)

I LOVE being in the Green Room with a cast of youth from a Christian Youth Theater production during show week, as they are singing songs of worship to Our Lord for their warm-up exercises. Talk about goose-bump moments watching about 80-100 kids ages 8 to 18 years old, lifting up their voices in the most perfect sound, holding hands and singing like they are on a mountain top...all for the glory of God! It actually brings the adults watching in the Green Room (including myself) to tears watching the power of the Lord at work within each of them. So Incredible! I LOVE it!!!

There are lots of other things I LOVE, too. These just happen to be a few of the ones at this very moment, as I am typing this post, I am LOVING, and are bringing a smile to my face!

How often do people take the time to recognize what gives them those "ear to ear" smiling moments" and are they making the time to actually experience those moments? Whatever it is that makes you smile, you need to make the time and do it, because life is not going to stop and wait for you. If you don't remember the last time you had one of those moments, you are more than overdue.

Again, this is NOT a dress rehearsal! Embrace what you LOVE and what makes you smile and go DO IT! :-)

The Words In Motherhood Bring Me Joy!

I happened to be reading something about Motherhood recently, and the person was going on and on about all the JOY they were having in Motherhood. And it got me thinking - and looking at the word - MOTHERHOOD. I was coming up with LOTS of other words from the word MOTHERHOOD....but couldn't seem to find the word JOY.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a mother. From when I was 4 years old, I would act like a mommy to my stuffed animals and my dolls. Then when I was about 7 years old, I started playing make-believe with the other kids in the neighborhood. We would play either "school" or "home". I used to love to be either the "teacher" or the "mother". But once in a while I was cast as the "baby". (Playing that part wasn't as much fun, because I had to sit and make "goo goo" sounds the whole time. LOL!) Because we had a swimming pool during those early years, I would also play "mommy" with my mother in our swimming pool and she would let me carry her around the pool as she acted like the "child". I felt so "mother-like"!

The desire to become a mother (and have LOTS of kids) remained with me as I grew older. I officially became a mom right after I turned 30 years old. And then I had three more kids until right after I turned 39 years old. I could have kept going, but the other half of the equation wanted to be done. So alas, we stopped at four. :-(

I have openly joked that God knew what HE was doing when he blessed me with a son first, then a daughter and then two more sons. I used to imagine that HE was having a good giggle watching me trying to figure out how to raise my daughter who needed so much MORE time and energy then my first son...and He decided that one girl was all I could handle if I was going to continue having kids. LOL! Since she was the type of baby/toddler that always needed MORE of everything from me, and did not separate real well from me during those early years, I just accepted it and met ALL her needs. MANY family members disagreed with my parenting choices with her...but I just ignored them. I continued to follow my heart with her and didn't change a thing. In return for being an "attached parent" to my daughter when she needed me the most, when she was ready to fly, she FLEW and has never looked back! She was 3.5 years old and starting preschool, and as we hugged and said our goodbyes - she gave me one more big kiss and then stepped back from me and with a big smile said, "Bye Mommy. See you later." And then she turned and ran off to join the other kids, whom she didn't even know yet.

WOW - I ended up being the sad one and continued to cry the whole drive home. But I did it. I had helped my VERY attached daughter during those early years become a confident little girl that knew I would ALWAYS be there for her...but she also didn't need me all the time anymore. Despite how sad I was feeling, I also felt very proud of her.

Motherhood has plenty of happy and sad moments. But it definitely has so much more.

Some of the OTHER words I see in MOTHERHOOD when I look at the word are:

HOME - I am creating a home for my children, everyday.

METHOD - There IS a method to my madness, even when they don't fully understand or agree.

MOTORED - My kids are motored all over town daily, for all of their activities and play dates.

THEM - There is them who keep me very busy.

MODE - Our home-life mode is constantly changing depending on the time of year and what activities and sports are happening.

ORTHO - The ortho is going to kill me financially! Three of the four kids have metal in their mouth right now. LOL!

RODEO - Our house looks like a rodeo when all four kids are at home at the same time.

HERO - Sons #2 and #3 call me their hero all the time. That is the BEST!

ME - Without me, there would be none of them. And thank GOD for ALL OF THEM!

So I guess, even though the word JOY is not literally in MOTHERHOOD, the words that are in MOTHERHOOD do bring me huge amounts of joy! :-)

Trying To Be A Friend In A Facebook World

Friendship: the emotions or conduct of friends. The state of being friends. A relationship between friends. A state of mutual support.

Like so many things in life, friendships will constantly change. Emotions will change. Feelings will change. Some friendships are short-lived, while others will last a lifetime. Some friendships may be casual in nature, while others are intense and full of emotion. Some friendships will start out as pure friendship and never change, while others will start that way, but then turn into "friends with benefits" and perhaps even more. Some friendships will have constant drama, while others are full of peace and tranquility. But no matter what, friendships are important in one's life!

In today's Facebook world of "friends" the true meaning of a friend seems questionable. While many people will have "friended" individuals on Facebook that might be professional, work, church, etc. related - for all the others, are they really your friend? If you saw them walking on the street would you actually stop and visit with them and perhaps grab a cup of coffee with them? Would you make the time to be a "true" friend to them if they were in need of a friend? Are your friends on Facebook people that you would feel comfortable talking to on the telephone, having a meal with or hanging out? If not, then why are they your "friend?"

Being a "true" friend takes time; it takes energy; it takes effort. But it also takes understanding.

Sometimes we are not always at our best or act our best, but a TRUE friend understands AND accepts that about us. They do not judge us. They continue to love and support us no matter what. Because they know that at some point the tables may be turned and they will need our understanding, acceptance, love and support in return.

Over the years, maintaining friendships with people have changed dramatically from when I was a kid - back in the 70's and early 80's. We moved A LOT when I was growing up, so maintaining friendships was very challenging. With all of the moves, it would have been easy to have lots of "temporary" friends, but no real attachments to anyone. Fortunately, I wanted more. I wanted REAL friends. So in order to do that, a true effort was needed on my part. Back in the "olden days", there was no computer/internet communication to use in order to keep in touch. And the use of the phone to call friends long-distance was not allowed because it was too expensive. So I became the world's BEST Pen Pal! Currently, I am STILL friends with most of the people I was Pen Pals with through junior high and high school and fortunately I have also had the pleasure of spending time with them in person during my adult years.

Friendships seem to be becoming more and more disposable, as if once the "benefit" of being one's friend wears off, people will dump the friend and get a new friend. They will move onto someone that has "cooler" benefits for being a friend with. I am not that kind of friend. If I am going to take the time to get to know a person and for them to know me, then I will want to remain their friend. Of course, that hasn't always worked out that way for me. I have been burned MANY times over the years by individuals I believed were my friend. I have trusted them with personal secrets and private emotions, which were then used against me or told to others. Anymore, the number of people that I would consider to be my "best" friends, that I could tell anything and everything to, I can count on one hand (maybe a couple of fingers on the second hand) - but not much more. That's not to say that I don't have friends. I have lots of friends, and even more acquaintances. But when it comes to those I would trust with my life and they can trust me in return...not so many. And I AM OK with that! Like I mentioned earlier, it can take A LOT of effort and time to be the best friend you can be to someone else. And since my time is VERY valuable, I am willing to share it with those that appreciate it. Because their friendship and what they mean to me as a person, means that much to me!

Last fall on my 44th birthday, I spent the morning with one of my best friends on Skype - who I have known since we were 14 years old. We pulled out our Senior Year scrapbooks and compared letters written to each of us from boys we dated (or liked) in high school, showed each other pictures we had from the high school dances we attended that year, laughed about the other pictures of people we both knew, read out loud to each other the messages written in our books from friends and teachers, and showed each other all of the memorabilia we had collected during our senior year from school events, dances, boys, and school trips out of town. I had not laughed so much in so long! My face HURT when we were done with our Skyping. That was the BEST birthday present I could have received from her - time and memories shared with her!

While looking through my Senior Year Scrapbook, I had found a poem I wrote and put in my book. I had forgotten all about it until I was looking at my book on my birthday. The poem I wrote is called "True Friends" and I was only 16 years old when I wrote it. In re-reading it today, I am reminded that my feelings towards friends and friendships have never changed. While I enjoy and appreciate all that Facebook offers and has provided for me in regards to reconnecting with friends from my past, helping create new friendships, and even maintaining my more current friendships...I feel the benefit of Facebook, when it comes to friendships, will only be realized by what people do with these "friend" connections when they are outside of Facebook - in the real world and not behind a computer screen.

"TRUE FRIENDS"

by Lisa A. Nodar (July 2, 1984)

I will be there for you, at all those times when in need.

To help give you that little push, and to show you the way, and to lead.

My hand is your hand, to help guide you to your destiny.

And when no one else is there for you, I promise you will find me.

My ear is yours, when no one else will listen to the pain you have inside.

And when you feel all alone and scared, there I will stand by your side.

The times when you feel you can't go on, and giving up seems to be the only way.

You can look to me for encouragement and advice, and I will show you the sun's rays.

Life is not that bad, my friend, even though I must agree.

That life isn't always the greatest, and sometimes neither are we.

But through the good times, and the bad.

The times we yell, and the times we laugh.

There is something special, the two of us have.

That unique kind of friendship, that forever shall it last!

A.D.D. Should REALLY Mean...Always Dream Darling!

Yes, that's right. I believe it should stand for that, NOT "attention deficit disorder." Some of the most creative, brilliant minds in history had A.D.D. And thank God they did! They dreamed the dreams that no one else dared to dream. They thought outside the box and took chances. They were the worst students in school (some didn't even graduate), but then were considered the smartest and most amazing people as adults. A couple of the people I am talking about are Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison! Where would our world be today without these men from our past! What conveniences of our lives now, may not have ever come into existence had Edison not been DETERMINED to not stop trying to create electricity, even when he almost killed himself trying???

A person with A.D.D. hyper focuses. When they discover something they feel passionate about, they never let it go. They will learn everything they can about that passion - read all there is to read, watch and re-watch images on television or in videos until it is carved in their mind permanently, become a walking encyclopedia of information regarding their passion.

It saddens me that when most people hear the term A.D.D., negative images will become attached to the individual with A.D.D. - even if the images aren't true. Even the person that has been diagnosed with this, may feel negative thoughts about themselves, because our society has created such a hurtful stigma regarding what a person must be like if they have A.D.D. With the A.D.D. acronym having the word "deficit" in the name, a person with this is already being placed at a disadvantage. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition for "deficit" means: "Deficiency in amount or quality. A lack or impairment in a functional capacity. Disadvantage." And some of the synonyms are: "deficiency, failure, inadequacy, inadequateness, insufficiency and lack." REALLY?!?!?!?! So I ask again, "WHY is this word part of the A.D.D. acronym???

People with A.D.D. actually have an abundance (not deficit) of energy, focus and drive! (Wouldn't you rather work with someone like that then a "lazy ass"?) They like to take a situation and figure out how to improve upon it. (Is there a more efficient way to achieve the same result?) They are the go-get-um people who usually don't sit quietly on the sidelines letting life pass them by. Their minds usually don't slow down very often. Now, don't confuse extroverts with introverts. A.D.D. loves both personalities. And perhaps that is why for those that are by nature an introvert, the diagnosis of A.D.D. can be missed. Instead the person will be labeled as difficult, unengaged, and possibly disrespectful. When actually their brain is in overdrive and they are VERY quietly thinking the BIG thoughts...the what if's and why not's of the world and their environment. We WANT these kind of people to DREAM and KEEP DREAMING! (Not feel like they have a deficit for thinking like they do!) THEY ARE OUR FUTURE.

At this point, I could continue down another path regarding my knowledge, thoughts and opinions regarding medications used for A.D.D., the food allergy and food intolerance connection to A.D.D. and other methods/treatments used to address A.D.D. - but I will save that for another blog, because that portion of this topic can be lengthy!

Well, guess what... I have A.D.D. and I am SO FREAKIN' PROUD OF IT! And I just realized it a couple of years ago, when one of my children was diagnosed with it. They say it runs in families - in different degrees. I can't even begin to imagine all the things I would have missed doing, missed being a part of or not tried had it not been for my A.D.D. My constant desire to have a passion, whatever it is at that moment in time for me, and become the best, well-read and informed individual, so that I could share what I have always considered to be a GIFT of my knowledge with others....NOT A DEFICIT!

As for my child with A.D.D. - they are SOOO bright! Almost gifted! From the time they were a toddler, they were impressing me with their wealth of knowledge. Their sense of logic and reason was always a few steps ahead of mine. They would often catch me off guard with their "what if" and "why not" questions. At three years old, they were starting to learn to read and had learned ALL of the dinosaurs and the eras they were from! (I couldn't even pronounce most of them, let alone remember what era they were from...but they could!) This pattern of theirs still continues to this day. If it is a sport season they are interested in (and not one team, but all of the teams!), they will know ALL of the players, their teams, their stats, etc., etc.!

And that is why I believe their diagnosis was missed all these years. They were typically quiet, and well behaved in school. However, there were other characteristics associated with this person that has A.D.D., but because of how bright they were, and they were an introvert, it was never considered they might have A.D.D. and that was the root of some of their other issues.

All this aside, it doesn't really matter! Because they have THE GIFT! They will grow up and make a difference in our world, because they do DREAM! And they should NEVER stop dreaming! And it will be because of their hyper focusing that amazing things will come from this child of mine, someday!

A.D.D. Should REALLY Mean...Always Dream Darling! Because I too, will NEVER stop dreaming, either! :-)

Why Am I Even Blogging?

It's not even been a week since I started this whole blogging thing, and I've already typed 5 posts on my blog and I've started a couple of drafts. And my mind is actually having blogging conversations with itself. Coming up with new titles and content to type about. This is truly insane! I am hooked! I knew I loved to write from when I was in junior high school or possibly younger. I kept diaries, journals and wrote poetry all the time.

My writings have included, but weren't limited to, feelings about friendship, boys I liked (or thought I loved), boys that didn't like me, school dances, and people that were cruel and mean to me. (Perhaps some of my sad poems could become the lyrics for a great country song. Maybe that's how I'll make my first million dollars. I wish!!)

Unfortunately, as I got older, I slowed down with my writing and eventually stopped. I believe as major events occurred in my life, and some that were not so good, I had a fear of putting it to paper because I was afraid of who might read what I wrote. Once it was on paper, then it WAS real. There is so much of my past, I have buried into the past and it remains in my mind where no one can reach unless I let them in.

Enter blogging. This is just like having a diary...but I am allowing others to read it now. WTH??? Did I really want to do that? hhhuuumm. Do I really want others reading my thoughts and opinions? Who really cares what I think or feel? Does it even matter what I have to say? I started to think about this a couple of days ago - after I wrote my 4th post. Why was I feeling compelled to partake in this blogging world (that I am still somewhat puzzled and confused on how to fully embrace all of the benefits of blogging)? I began asking friends their personal take on blogging, in case I was doing this all wrong. After all, I pointed out to them, many bloggers have "themed" blogs - crafts, cooking, schooling, parenting, scrapbooking, etc. You name it, I am sure there is a blog that is specific to every theme out there in blog-land. Mine didn't seem to have "one of those themes". They said I didn't need to have a theme, because I had a focus - my life. And that was fascinating enough to write about. (I am not sure it is always fascinating, but it is definitely interesting! LOL!)

Because my "diary" is now public, I have realized that I really CAN'T write anything and everything I want, think or feel (like I thought I would) - because it could hurt feelings, be misunderstood, rock some people's worlds, or hurt my own world. So despite my awakenings about the truth of my life at 44 years old, I am also aware that not all truths can be shared...because the innocent need to be protected and I don't want to be unfairly judged (which has been happening recently, and it is not appreciated). This blogging thing needs a guide book or some rules posted somewhere for us "newbie" bloggers so we do this "correctly".

Perhaps I need to create an alias blog name, then I can really let loose with my writing and no one will know it is me. Now that would be some FASCINATING, FUN writing. For the time being, I will continue to post my "edited" blogs with my current blog name. However, alias blog name suggestions are being accepted.... LOL! :-)

Who Took My Two Older Kids' Brains!

Today is Easter. What a Glorious Day this is! The weather even looks like an EASTER kind of day. Sunny, Bright, Clear Blue Skies, and the temperature is in the 60's. JUST BEAUTIFUL!

And Thank God for that, because my Easter morning on the home front did not start out so beautiful. LOL! Having children that have large age gaps between them seems to be more and more of a challenge the last couple of years. #1 Son is 14 years old, Daughter is 12 years old, #2 Son is 8 years old, and #3 Son is 5 years old. I truly like the age spread, but I think once #1 Son and Daughter started hitting puberty, the part of their brain that had memory dating back to when they were 8 and 5 or younger - seems to be gone! "I NEVER said that when I was their age!" and "I NEVER did that when I was their age" comes out of the two older kids mouths almost DAILY. They act as if I birthed them each at 10 years old. (Wouldn't that have been great! No awake nursings during the night, no diapers, no potty training, no temper tantrums, and so much more. All the things I could have missed! LOL!!!) Maybe its the aliens that are taking my two older children's brains during the night. Who knows, but whatever it is, I'd like to have back the younger model for these two older kids.

The Easter Bunny still lives in our home...even when the two older ones no longer believe in him (or I should say HER, since I am the one that stays up until 1:30 a.m. filling the eggs and making the baskets look all pretty.) Well, this Easter Bunny was REALLY tired last night after attending the Easter Vigil (which I LOVED, but I got home around 11:00 p.m.!) It actually happened...I messed up the Easter Bunny act! After 14 years of playing this part, I just knew it was eventually going to happen. I filled the eggs, as I always do. But rather then going outside (with a flashlight) and hiding the eggs for the big Easter Egg Hunt the kids do in the morning when the weather is nice (or if it's not, I hide them around the house), I just put them in the baskets! What was I thinking at 1;30 in the morning???? Honestly, I was thinking about "am I almost done with these eggs, so I can go to sleep - for 5 hours, if that!

Well, after the kids were done ooohhhing and aaahhhing their wooden religious crosses with a bible verse - child specific, religious books, markers, pens, notepads, Peeps Marshmallow treats, and christian music CD's - the two little boys went to the window to look out back. I did it! I CRUSHED their spirit - "WHERE ARE THE EGGS, MOM?" "WHY DIDN'T THE EASTER BUNNY HIDE EGGS FOR US?" Forget about the cool stuff in the baskets, it was all about there being NO EASTER EGG HUNT!!!! Then the really fun part started...the older two putting in their two cents about why there wasn't going to be an Easter Egg Hunt for them. And how not every year they should expect one. (What the hell??? The two older ones have had one every year since they were toddlers and were still participating in it last Easter!!! Again, I ask, WHO TOOK MY TWO OLDER KIDS BRAINS!!!)

As the two younger boys are CRYING and YELLING at the two older kids, this was my cue to call my parents!!! "We need your help! Please help me save the Easter Bunny's image for the two younger boys! If we bring over some eggs with stuff for you to put in them, will you hide them in your backyard? Since we are coming over later today, I will tell the kids, that perhaps the Easter Bunny knew that and decided to hide his eggs there. Sound good? Can you help me, PLEASE!!!!!"

God love the innocence STILL of my two younger boys, because I told them "the story" and they believed it and said, "Mom, we hope Pop doesn't find them, and he eats them before we get there, since he REALLY likes candy!"

So I guess, I will still remain playing the role of the Easter Bunny for another season. And I really hope for several more. After all, the youngest is still only 5! He deserves to have an Easter Bunny, and a Santa Claus and a Tooth Fairy and whatever else he believes in now, for as LONG as he wants!

As for the two older kids, I continue to remind them, "If you act like you don't believe, then you won't receive." Perhaps, I need to actually enforce that statement next year. Oh, wait. I can't do that, because then I will have to explain why Santa and the Easter Bunny only give presents, gifts and eggs to children under 10. And wouldn't that just be a FASCINATING conversation with the two younger boys...NOT!!!!

Happy Easter! :-)

Awakened By My Daughter

5:30 a.m. arrives much to early for me during the school week. Especially when most nights I am not touching my pillow until after midnight. However, there are many things that can be accomplished during those late hours in a home, when all are asleep - except for me. Catching up on emails, FINALLY reading through a week's worth of postal mail, making a list of all of the errands I will need to run the next day, creating a grocery shopping list, cleaning the kitchen, washing dishes, picking up toys, finishing laundry, looking at ALL of the school paperwork that comes home for each of the kids every day, completing forms for field trips - summer camps - theater programs - school registrations - extra curricular activities for 4 kids - etc. - etc. It is NEVER ending!

There really was a time in my not too distant past when staying up late at night was FUN! I could read a book of my choice for pleasure, that actually had chapters. I was able to sit down and watch a television show or movie that didn't have puppets or make-believe people and had a rating of PG-13 or R. I could drink a glass of wine (or two or three) and not be worried about how my head would be feeling in the morning because I wouldn't have been awakened during the night once (or twice) to tend to a restless or hungry child.

Oh...I remember when.....

As my children are getting older, their awakenings during the night are happening less and less. However, there is a NEW kind of awakening they are doing to me now. One that requires me to really take notice and pay attention to them more so than ever, because it REALLY affects me. In comparison, the night awakenings were much easier to deal with.

A couple of months ago, I had experienced an "awakening", which was inspired by my daughter. I had decided to audition for the musical play "Fiddler On The Roof" - even though it had been over 25 years ago since I last auditioned for a play. A little background here - I was involved with Theater in High School, started college with a Theater Scholarship and decided to major in Theater and had big plans to move to NYC to be on stage. However, due to life circumstances, I changed colleges after three years, and at the new college I pretty much had to start all over with most of my classes. I also changed my major to Social Work/Sociology. So, there was no more Theater for me. Which meant back then, no more auditions, as well. Until now.

During the last seven years, I have watched my daughter grow in her love and enjoyment of the Theater and the Stage. I am very much aware of how hard she works at preparing for an audition, memorizing her lines, and rehearsing the songs. And how serious she takes it all, and has for quite some time. She is quick to correct me when I reference what she is wanting to do as "her dream" and she tells me, "It's not a dream, mom. It is my reality!" Whenever she says that to me, it truly stops me in my tracks and I have a "wow" moment towards her. At her young age of 12 (and she started telling me this at 10), to already be so strong in her conviction regarding her future.

While I was preparing for my audition, I experienced several "awakenings" with my daughter, which actually surprised me. When she is preparing for an audition and performing, she makes it look so easy - that she can sing any song she wants with no hesitation. Boy, was I wrong! She has many reservations, and insecurities about how she sounds and acts on stage. I had NO idea!!!

What I personally experienced, in going through the audition preparation process myself after so many years - IT IS SCARY! FREAKIN' SCARY!!! (I forgot how scary!) My stomach was in knots, palms were sweating, and my body felt tense - and this was just at home when I was practicing my song! I couldn't imagine how I would actually be feeling at the audition. How would I get through it, if I was this scared at home! But guess what....she gets this scared, TOO! Again, I had NO idea!

I wanted to change my audition song repeatedly. And then when I finally settled on a song, I couldn't decide what part of the song to sing. Then I couldn't decide on which movements and actions to use during the song. Decisions. Decisions. I also kept asking her what she thought about my song selection and I had her listen to me sing my song about 100+ times.

OMG!!!! I had become my daughter!!!

At that "awakening" moment with her, I felt that I needed to ask her for forgiveness for all the times I was not so patient and understanding of her indecisiveness and what I thought was her lack of decision making, and stick-to-it-ness. It felt like I had really walked in her shoes during my days of preparing for my own audition. My attitude and view towards her has completely changed - for the better - when it comes to her preparing for an audition or performance. I really do see it through her eyes, now! And I FEEL it!

After these "awakening" moments with her, and getting through my own audition, I was cast in the play! I have the honor of being in the Momma's Chorus. But she has been blessed with the part of the Youngest Daughter - Bielke. I am so proud of her! And I can't forget my 2nd son - he auditioned, too - and was cast in the Son's Chorus. "Fiddler On The Roof" has now become a family affair for us. What fun we will have this summer!

According to my daughter, my dreams don't have to stay dreams. They CAN be my reality. And so I have finally made my dream of being on stage again, someday, my reality now. I am so glad she "awakened" me, when I needed to be woken up! :-)

JUMP...Like You Can Touch The Sky!

Today is going to need to be one of those kinds of days!!! Because if I don't jump - and keep jumping - I am going to crash to the ground!!! So I think I will REACH for the sky, instead! Ever have one of those days...that the life around you is trying to push you down and keep you down? But if you JUMP - you can JUMP over all the crap coming at you! I just need to remember to duck sometimes - or I might get hit in the head. And that would really slow me down and give me a big ol' bruise.

The thing about jumping is it feels GREAT! Think about children jumping rope - trying to avoid the rope. And depending how fast they are turning the rope, determines how fast and high they will jump. My type of jumping actually looks more like the "double dutch" - trying to avoid TWO ropes!!! Unfortunately, I was never very good at "double dutch" despite my efforts and strong desire to do it. But I still kept trying. And I would probably still try today, if a couple of ropes were to pass my way.

But when someone is jumping "double dutch" and they are GOOD at it - it will have it's own rhythm and groove. And then another person will join in, and then it is really impressive. And then add some music or the jumpers start rapping, and its a beautiful site!!! I remember when I was a kid living in NYC and watching my cousins and friends doing the "double dutch" and would LOVE it!! They were all so good at it! Even my mother knew how to do the "double dutch" when she was growing up and living in NYC. (Did someone forget to pass this gene onto me???)

Many days I am STILL trying to find my own rhythm and groove - be it as a woman, daughter, mother, wife. While I would like to think that I would want to jump with a single rope - slow and simple - that is NOT my reality. I am a double dutch jumper! I know that about myself, and I accept it. I have to be, with all that life serves me on a daily basis.

Life is the rope - sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Sometimes one rope, sometimes two or more. But whichever rope and speed a person chooses, they still HAVE TO JUMP!!!

I imagine when I am jumping towards the sky, my whole body is fully extended, my arms are reaching up for the heavens, my toes are pointed towards the ground, my eyes are closed and there is a BIG smile on my face. But I can't keep those eyes closed for too long, or that is when I get hit in the head. So once in a while I open them - look around - check that all is OK - and I close them again and smile.

So, if you are having one of "those" kind of days - JUMP! KEEP JUMPING! And reach for the sky. Let it all go - give it all you've got! Don't forget to smile while you are JUMPING. And sometimes when you least expect it, while you are jumping, and you feel like you can't keep jumping and you are about to crash to the ground - you will get caught - from either a friend, a spouse, a teacher, a significant other, a parent, or even Our Lord. So JUMP....Like You CAN Touch The Sky! :-)

Is Lent FINALLY Over, Mom?

"When is Lent finally over, mom?" That question, seems to get asked almost daily around my house by the kids. I am sure like many of you, the memories of Lent from when I was a child, had to do with "what was I going to give up for 40 days," or "choosing something I wasn't going to do for 40 days." As I got into Junior High School, I remember my parents discussing with my brother and I, that Lent wasn't only about what we WEREN'T going to do or have, but what we WERE going to do was equally as important. Now that I am a parent, I find myself wanting to teach the same "idea" about Lent to my children at a much younger age. Lent is an AMAZING time in our Catholic Church. And it can be just as amazing in our lives and our children's lives.

I was reminded of that tonight at our Holy Thursday Mass - as I had the honor of being selected to have my feet washed by our priests in front our congregation. What a humbling experience that was. It brought me to tears as our priest was washing my feet! It was as if Jesus, himself, was washing my feet. "Wash away my inequities, and cleanse me from my sins." It is through Lent that this is made possible in our lives - as we are preparing for Easter.

As an adult, not only do I still find myself "giving up" something during Lent, but I also try to "do" something as well such as: participating in a Bible Study group, attending the Stations of the Cross, collecting change for UNICEF, etc. For my family we use two resources for Lent. The first one is a book called "40 Ways for 40 Days: A Family Guide Through Lent." It offers some wonderful ideas of things you make and do as a family to celebrate Lent each day. It also has a Family Lenten Calendar.

The second one is called "Abounding In Steadfast Love: Family Devotions For Lent." This booklet offers explanation, a devotion and a scripture verse for each day of Lent, which my family and I will read and use as our blessing at either breakfast or dinner time. These are only a couple of the many ideas that were available to make Lent a special time for our family.

Lent is a time for us to journey more deeply into the heart of the Paschal Mystery of Christ's life, death and resurrection. It is also a time of fasting, prayer and almsgiving. The prophet Isaiah gives us some good guidance for how to observe Lent:

"Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, the let the oppressed go free and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, cover them, and not hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard." Isaiah 58:6-8

Lent is ALMOST over...but not quite yet. We will spend the next 48 hours in waiting for the resurrection of Jesus. And then Lent will FINALLY be over, my dear sweet children!