Awakened By My Daughter

5:30 a.m. arrives much to early for me during the school week. Especially when most nights I am not touching my pillow until after midnight. However, there are many things that can be accomplished during those late hours in a home, when all are asleep - except for me. Catching up on emails, FINALLY reading through a week's worth of postal mail, making a list of all of the errands I will need to run the next day, creating a grocery shopping list, cleaning the kitchen, washing dishes, picking up toys, finishing laundry, looking at ALL of the school paperwork that comes home for each of the kids every day, completing forms for field trips - summer camps - theater programs - school registrations - extra curricular activities for 4 kids - etc. - etc. It is NEVER ending!

There really was a time in my not too distant past when staying up late at night was FUN! I could read a book of my choice for pleasure, that actually had chapters. I was able to sit down and watch a television show or movie that didn't have puppets or make-believe people and had a rating of PG-13 or R. I could drink a glass of wine (or two or three) and not be worried about how my head would be feeling in the morning because I wouldn't have been awakened during the night once (or twice) to tend to a restless or hungry child.

Oh...I remember when.....

As my children are getting older, their awakenings during the night are happening less and less. However, there is a NEW kind of awakening they are doing to me now. One that requires me to really take notice and pay attention to them more so than ever, because it REALLY affects me. In comparison, the night awakenings were much easier to deal with.

A couple of months ago, I had experienced an "awakening", which was inspired by my daughter. I had decided to audition for the musical play "Fiddler On The Roof" - even though it had been over 25 years ago since I last auditioned for a play. A little background here - I was involved with Theater in High School, started college with a Theater Scholarship and decided to major in Theater and had big plans to move to NYC to be on stage. However, due to life circumstances, I changed colleges after three years, and at the new college I pretty much had to start all over with most of my classes. I also changed my major to Social Work/Sociology. So, there was no more Theater for me. Which meant back then, no more auditions, as well. Until now.

During the last seven years, I have watched my daughter grow in her love and enjoyment of the Theater and the Stage. I am very much aware of how hard she works at preparing for an audition, memorizing her lines, and rehearsing the songs. And how serious she takes it all, and has for quite some time. She is quick to correct me when I reference what she is wanting to do as "her dream" and she tells me, "It's not a dream, mom. It is my reality!" Whenever she says that to me, it truly stops me in my tracks and I have a "wow" moment towards her. At her young age of 12 (and she started telling me this at 10), to already be so strong in her conviction regarding her future.

While I was preparing for my audition, I experienced several "awakenings" with my daughter, which actually surprised me. When she is preparing for an audition and performing, she makes it look so easy - that she can sing any song she wants with no hesitation. Boy, was I wrong! She has many reservations, and insecurities about how she sounds and acts on stage. I had NO idea!!!

What I personally experienced, in going through the audition preparation process myself after so many years - IT IS SCARY! FREAKIN' SCARY!!! (I forgot how scary!) My stomach was in knots, palms were sweating, and my body felt tense - and this was just at home when I was practicing my song! I couldn't imagine how I would actually be feeling at the audition. How would I get through it, if I was this scared at home! But guess what....she gets this scared, TOO! Again, I had NO idea!

I wanted to change my audition song repeatedly. And then when I finally settled on a song, I couldn't decide what part of the song to sing. Then I couldn't decide on which movements and actions to use during the song. Decisions. Decisions. I also kept asking her what she thought about my song selection and I had her listen to me sing my song about 100+ times.

OMG!!!! I had become my daughter!!!

At that "awakening" moment with her, I felt that I needed to ask her for forgiveness for all the times I was not so patient and understanding of her indecisiveness and what I thought was her lack of decision making, and stick-to-it-ness. It felt like I had really walked in her shoes during my days of preparing for my own audition. My attitude and view towards her has completely changed - for the better - when it comes to her preparing for an audition or performance. I really do see it through her eyes, now! And I FEEL it!

After these "awakening" moments with her, and getting through my own audition, I was cast in the play! I have the honor of being in the Momma's Chorus. But she has been blessed with the part of the Youngest Daughter - Bielke. I am so proud of her! And I can't forget my 2nd son - he auditioned, too - and was cast in the Son's Chorus. "Fiddler On The Roof" has now become a family affair for us. What fun we will have this summer!

According to my daughter, my dreams don't have to stay dreams. They CAN be my reality. And so I have finally made my dream of being on stage again, someday, my reality now. I am so glad she "awakened" me, when I needed to be woken up! :-)