I Was Here

As I admire the gorgeous, bright sun shining through my bedroom window - creating a beautiful reflection on my wall, I am having a moment.  A flashback.  An awakening.  There is a combination of smiles and tears coming from my face as the song "I Was Here" from the movie "Act of Valor" - by Lady Antebellum - begins to play in my headphones.  

The lyrics touch a deep place within me and my heart....they remind me of the girl I used to be, the dreams I had in my youth, the person I thought I would become when I grew up.  

When my dreams of becoming an actress fell short (unfortunately, because of a guy), I decided to use my next best talent - which was helping others.  I had been a volunteer in many different capacities since I was in 7th grade, and thought that those experiences would serve me well in a Social Work setting.  I wanted to do something that really mattered - to make a difference in the world.  I spent 3 years of college focusing my energy, emotions and time into learning all I could about abused children and battered women.  I took all the classes that were offered about these two subjects, attending seminars, reading all the books I could find and I even volunteered at a shelter for battered women for about a year.  

Then one day, I had an awakening.  Why was I so drawn to wanting to help abused women and children?  Why did I want to "save" them?  Because without realizing it at the time, I was really trying to save myself.  I was in an abusive relationship, and I thought I could change the person abusing me, so I stayed.  Eventually, I was able to put into practice for myself all of the same principles I had been trying to teach to the women at the shelter to do for themselves.  But it was not easy!

Jump ahead 6 years to 1992.  When I was laid off from my job at a computer company (that I had started working at when I was in college, and had been there for three years), I still had a strong desire to serve others.  With the Sociology degree I earned, I decided I was going to finally find a job that would make a "real" difference in the world around me.  I wanted to use the skills and knowledge I had learned in my Social Work and Sociology classes.

After 4 months of looking for the "perfect" job, I found it!  Ironically, I was offered a PAYING job at a Battered Women's Shelter!!!  My responsibilities were to lead support groups, work one-on-one with mothers and their children staying at the shelter with them, and be the liaison person between the shelter and the schools that the children in the shelter were attending.    

Unfortunately, my "perfect" job, was never experienced!  I was engaged at the time, and my spouse-to-be was living in another town and he was unable to find a new job where I was.  So one week after I had accepted the job, I had to call them back and decline the job and move to where he was.   

It took another 4 years before I was finally able to find another job that would "help" others.  But that was short-lived, and I resigned after only 14 months because I was going to become a full-time mother, and my time of "helping" others would now be given to my greatest gifts - my children.

This coming Fall all four of my children will be in school full-time.  Because of current life circumstances, I will probably need to find a "paying" job while they are at school.  What to do, what to do???   Fortunately, I am finally being able to reconnect back with my original dream of acting and being on stage from many years ago, once again this summer.  However, this is not a paying gig.  So until I can find paying theater gigs, I will need to seek out a job that does pay.  But it needs to be a job that makes a difference.  A job that makes my heart sing with happiness and contentment; like the feelings I have as a mother.

As the song "I Was Here" says: "I wanna do something better with the time I've been given.  I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life.  Leave nothing less than something that says I was here."  If I have to work outside the home again, than I want this.  I want to do something that REALLY matters!   :-)

Video:
"I WAS HERE" by Lady Antebellum (Act of Valor - movie)

"I WAS HERE" by Lady Antebellum

You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see

Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says I was here

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock

'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!

I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says I was here

And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says I was here
I was here