My Divorce Writings

During the time when I was separated and going through my divorce, I had so many thoughts and feelings racing through my mind.   So much so, that I wrote down a list of almost 100 titles regarding the subjects I wanted to write about on this blog.

For several months, I was writing non-stop.   I could not get the words out of my mind fast enough.

Then all of a sudden I stopped writing.  I stopped posting.  Months would go by, and I would want to write, but wouldn't.  I actually felt like I couldn't.  Then suddenly I would have a loud voice in my head that would not quiet, and to the computer I would go, to type out my thoughts and publish it to my blog.  And then more months would go by again, before I would write another post.

In retrospect, what I have known all along is that while I was separated, I was rediscovering me.  I was having my "midlife awakening."  And in that rediscovery, a part of me that had been stifled for way too long, was emerging through my writing.   Initially, I imagined I would write about the things I was experiencing while separated, as the divorce was becoming finalized, and especially post-divorce.   

* Life as a divorced 45 year old woman and mother of 4 children. 

* Issues one must deal with when you have an ex-husband.

* Matters pertaining to ex-inlaws.

* The ex-husband's new girlfriend.

* My children's feelings about the people me and my ex-husband are dating.

* All of the parts of dating I was having to relearn later in life. 

* Obtaining an annulment in the Catholic church.      

* My long-distance relationship with an incredible man I met online (which I swore I would never participate with online-dating).  

* My amazing trips to New York to date and spend time with my wonderful NY man.

* Finding love AGAIN with someone new, after having spent decades with someone else. 

* Etc., etc.

Unfortunately, as time passed and my divorce became final, I pulled back on the sharing of my thoughts publicly, due to fear.   Fear that somehow my ex-husband and/or his lawyer would make a legal matter out of my personal writings.   The things I really wanted to share and write about, I had to keep inside.   Even though I had a divorce decree, and we were legally divorced, there were several matters that still needed to be legally resolved and were under the jurisdiction of the court.  

It's been 18 months since my divorce was finalized.  Unfortunately, I am still in the thick of legal matters with my ex-husband.    I would really love for things to be resolved this summer.  I feel frustrated from the constant struggle with him, mostly of a financial nature.  (One of the many reasons we are divorced.)  I look forward to not feeling like my writings have the potential to be used against me legally.   I know that what I write is truth.  And sometimes with truth comes feelings.   

Even while writing this post, I keep re-reading what I have written in an effort to make sure that nothing I have stated, can be legally used against me or harm my legal case.  This is so sad.  As a writer I want to feel free to write and express what I am feeling and/or experiencing without fear.  I look forward to the day when I can do that again!